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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308428">Kwami Curse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty_pryde_bi_pride/pseuds/kitty_pryde_bi_pride'>kitty_pryde_bi_pride</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Miraculous Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Brief Relationship, Found Family, Gen, Guardian Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Hurt No Comfort, Kwami &amp; Miraculous Lore, Kwamis Are Gods, POV Multiple, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:48:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308428</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty_pryde_bi_pride/pseuds/kitty_pryde_bi_pride</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tikki had always believed that there was something deeply – horribly, intrinsically - tragic about the heroes she took on, those that she watched hopelessly, desperately try to protect those they loved- only for them to suffer too. She had lived for thousands of years and she was just now realizing that she couldn’t save even one hero.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Ladybug</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Marinette gets the ladybug miraculous when she was 14, and Master Fu dies when she is 17.</p><p>She had only done guardian training for a year, had barely breached the secrets of the miraculous, and was woefully unprepared to deal with the remnants of the war she was left to lead.   </p><p>She walked into his house – small, cluttered, lonely – one day, hoping to surprise him for tea, and saw him lying on the ground, motionless, Wayzz hovering over him. “Do something, help me,” she cried, rushing over and checking his wrist. Tikki and Wayzz did nothing, ignored her tears, and quietly conversed over her head. She collapsed over him, feeling desperately – irreparably – alone, and looked up at them. “What now?” she breathed. </p><p>The kwami looked at each other, their gaze piercing and grave – and filled with a million secrets she’d never know – and Tikki flew forward, landing on Marinette’s shoulder. “He left instructions for you; things you needed to do, to ensure victory, to finish the battle once and for all.”</p><p>She clenched her fists, moving away slowly from Fu – he hadn’t taught her much but she knew how to read spirits and his was gone – and glared, her insides twisting up. “No- no, I didn’t mean about the battle or passing guardianship, I- I meant is there anyone to call? Any family?” </p><p>She didn’t miss the next glance Tikki and Wayzz exchanged, this one loaded with not just mysteries but some deep, unspeakable tragedy that she felt so entirely isolated from. Again, her kwami decided to be the one to speak to her. “Bug, there was no one. Not for a long time. He was a guardian, the Guardian, for so many years and that was the only thing he was able to focus on,” Marinette felt Tikki ready herself, standing straighter on her perch and fluttering her wings. “I think you need to read his plans, it’s important to keep moving.”</p><p>Marinette breathes, a deep, wrenching gasp. “God, Tikki, I don’t know how. This is- it’s too much, too much pressure, I can’t keep moving, I have to sit and think for just a minute more-“</p><p>Wayzz frowns at her, the weight of his glare unfamiliar and heavy. “It doesn’t matter now- you are the Guardian. We don’t have time to worry about next of kin, your sole responsibility is protecting the miraculous from threats. In this case, Hawkmoth. I’ve sat in on your lessons, I know you’ve been informed of spirit magic and are in tune with it. You came here for tea because you sensed something was wrong with my Master. He felt that too. We need to take the box and go.”</p><p>“I can’t do this alone,” Marinette shudders, feels Tikki’s familiar and gentle weight on her – but Wayzz is there, too, and he is unnervingly practical, too much for Marinette who is still just a kid and all she can do right now is feel – and she struggles to collect herself.</p><p>“Don’t worry, Buginette,” Tikki murmurs in her ear. “We’ve got you. We won’t let you go adrift, not now.”</p><p>The kwami’s presence washes over her, forcibly calming her. She opens her – now dry – eyes and thinks that for a holder of creation she’s never felt more destroyed. “Let’s go.”<br/>
-------</p><p>Marinette is adrift.</p><p>She doesn’t regret her decision to leave – understands that she is part of something greater now – but she follows Tikki’s lessons and Wayzz’s advice, speaks with Pollen and runs with Trixx, and all she can do is think what it would be like if she had Plagg’s anger, Dusuu’s calm, Nooroo’s compassion.</p><p>She keeps moving, Tikki training her daily on not just lucky charms and miraculous ladybugs but the ability to inspire and lead – something bold called charisma, meant to call others to her path and follow her orders without thought – and sometimes she sees new freckles pop up and she feels something growing on her back and she can feel Tikki’s worried eyes on her, tracking the new developments whenever her well-meaning kwami thinks she isn’t looking and she’s becoming exhausted already—<br/>
-------</p><p>She lasts two and a half months – 73 days without speaking to anyone but the kwami, she thinks, 73 days of nonstop learning and training and sleepless nights – before anyone finds her in an abandoned house, decrepit and old. She’s not shocked that it’s Chat Noir who found her; they were always a match made in hell.</p><p>Hawkmoth stopped attacking when he found Fu’s body, calling it a temporary ceasefire over a mutual fallen friend and she can barely muster the energy to be angry that they clearly knew each other and her so-called mentor didn’t think it was important to mention during their three years of training. </p><p>Chat Noir is there, though, and he decides to stay and he knows she’s Marinette – she feels so separated from that sweet girl, she knows he sees it – and now she knows he’s Adrien. </p><p>They fall together, Guardian and Protector, yin and yang, and they train together. They move into a routine: they learn, they fight, they plan, they love.<br/>
-------</p><p>She’s growing stronger, mastering her powers, when she feels her back rip apart and she starts screaming. Something is coming out of her, tearing through her shoulder blades and it feels like fire and she screams for her Kitty – but she sent him away earlier for supplies, on the kwami’s suggestion – and then it’s over.</p><p>Adrien comes back to her, too late, and sees the kwami staring over her unconscious form and her shirt open in the back to make room for a pair of red and black ladybug wings, dripping with blood. He runs to her, shaking and begging her to wake up, and when he looks up for help, he thinks Plagg almost has a look of remorse before he breaks away.<br/>
-------</p><p>She’s teaching him new powers with Plagg’s help – part of the Guardian’s duties, Wayzz assures, to train all worthy holders – and Adrien is afraid of the darkness they’re letting inside him. Her powers are centered around good luck, creation, leadership, but his are undoubtedly different. </p><p>He possesses unlimited destruction, unparalleled bad luck, unmitigated death. Marinette refuses to admit it, but some days she’s getting scared too. </p><p>She watches his pupils become slits, his nails lengthen into claws and teeth sharpen into points and growing a full beard at 18, and wonders what the kwami still aren’t telling them. </p><p>They pull her aside, telling her they need more holders to join their cause – she wants to say no, she looks at the pain in Adrien’s eyes and wonders how they could subject anyone else to this, but then she watches him be struck down in battle and she finds herself wondering what it’d be like if miraculous ladybug stopped working – and she asks where they should start.<br/>
-------</p><p>Queen Bee, though disastrous in execution, had potential. They approach her as Ladybug and Chat Noir, and they watch her in a classroom where everyone follows Lila – even Sabrina has left her side – and they ask her if she is happy. </p><p>The answer is no, and she goes with them willfully.<br/>
-------</p><p>The bee is versatile, powerful enough to wound and build and control, and Marinette thinks she’s finally made the right choice. </p><p>Chloe grows stronger and gentle wings tear out of her back – not painfully, not forged in fire like hers had to be, Marinette thinks bitterly – and she has protective short hair all over her body that keeps her warm alone.</p><p>She saves Chloe from a death blow, unwilling to let a teammate die even though she knows she’ll bring them back regardless, and sees a familiar look in her eye that reminds her of herself, and falls back with Adrien that night – at some point, being together should not feel as terrifying as falling, she thinks – and they hold each other, shaking. </p><p>He watches the two of them more closely after that, and she wonders how anyone can expect her to make any good choices when she barely has any of the information.</p><p>Wayzz and Tikki tell her they watched as Chat Noir attacked and she strategized and Queen Bee supported and they believed she needed a defender. She nods quickly this time.<br/>
-------</p><p>She sends her Kitty alone to recruit Nino, knowing the two were closer in the end – even though they had grown up together, been childhood friends – and she and Chloe pretend to smile when they return together.</p><p>Tikki used to look at her with worry, but now all Marinette sees is resignation. Plagg refuses to look at the quartet in the eyes, Pollen is forever unbothered, and Wayzz is too cryptic to read. Trixx though, Trixx is angry and separate and Marinette worries. She reaches out, puts on his foxtail necklace, and ignores Tikki’s warnings.</p><p>She feels something building, but two miraculous are missing – she inherited an already failed job – and therefore she doesn’t know what to feel or see. They’re so close to getting the last two kwami back, she thinks, anything else can wait.<br/>
-------</p><p>She and Nino work on their new powers together; Nino and Wayzz become an unbreakable force together, shielding and blocking and bending the world around them. She watches him grow webbed toes and sees his skin get tougher and thinks it’s perfect.</p><p>She and Trixx are perfect for each other, allowing her to use her creativity to bend reality and find the truth and reach spirits – she dreams of reaching out to Fu, one day, but she doesn’t know what she would even say – and she loves it.</p><p>Tikki frowns at her as her freckles remain prominent and wings stay strong while her ears grow pointier and her teeth and nails grow just like Adrien’s did. Tikki doesn’t say anything and Trixx is desperately ignoring reality and so Marinette decides she doesn’t need to know just yet.<br/>
-------</p><p>She and Nino rekindle their friendship, she and Chloe grow closer, and they all pretend they don’t notice as Adrien grows more and more possessive of her. He paws at her in front of them and constantly has his arm around her and asks her to wear his clothes and grows angry when he doesn’t know where she is.</p><p>She thinks about how long she has dreamed of being with him and pushes down whatever fear and panic she has in favor of reassuring him – discomfort in favor of duty is becoming an old friend of hers – and she hopes it’s enough.<br/>
-------</p><p>One day, she falls in battle, her transformation dropping as she falls through the sky, Carapace too low and Chat Noir – her kitty – too far to try and catch her, and she holds her breath when Queen Bee intercepts her midair.</p><p>They end the battle quickly and hold each other once she casts her cure and they breathe as one but she sees him staring far too intensely at her and she – not for the first time – wishes she had the peacock to predict the surely approaching chaos.<br/>
-------</p><p>The four of them are so close and the kwami are pushing to bring someone in to take the fox from her but – given Adrien’s terrifying intensity and increasing anger towards Nino and Chloe – she refuses for the first time.</p><p>The kwami are more afraid than she’s seen them, and they beg for her to finish Hawkmoth quickly. They cut him down, take down Mayura, by working as a unit and group of friends. For a moment, she sees the light reenter his eyes but it’s gone – destroyed – as soon as they unmask their villains.</p><p>It’s Adrien’s dad and assistant, and Marinette thinks this must – finally – be the beginning of the end.<br/>
-------</p><p>He asks her alone, to talk over the battle and the future of the miraculous, and she says of course. </p><p>He asks her to leave her kwami, her jewelry aside, and she thinks – ignoring Trixx’s warnings and Tikki’s tears – that she’ll do anything to protect her kitty after his whole world was turned inside out. </p><p>He brings her to the top of the Eiffel Tower, practically where it started for them, and he starts telling her about how much he loves her and worries for her. She tries to be touched, but she can tell he’s just a little too frantic. </p><p>She thinks about the day she found Master Fu, the haze of months since then, her struggle to find purpose, and musters up all her courage and emotion to speak to him. “Adrien,” her voice is so quiet and he closes his eyes and leans against her. “Adrien, are you okay?” </p><p>He shudders and she’s supporting him – she always is – and she holds on tight as he shakes. “It’s okay to be not okay, kitty. We’re gonna get through this, just like we always have, just like we-“</p><p>He pulls away then. “To what end, Mari?” She’s shocked to see him so wrecked. “We’ve been fighting since we were fourteen- for fucks sake, we were child soldiers and now they’ve roped you into fighting an endless war for them? They made you leave your family, your life and you pretend like you’re okay with it? You know that as soon as the dust clears, they’ll have you keep recruiting and fighting and seeking out more,” His voice is rising, full of snot deep in his throat, choking him. “Don’t you just want to rest?”</p><p>“Of course, kitty, of course I want to rest,” Her voice is loud, she wants to be angry, but doesn’t think she has the energy left for it. “But- but I don’t think I have the right anymore. I promised to do this, you know how I feel about-“</p><p>“That’s just it, isn’t it? I don’t know how you feel,” He declares with a snarl, stepping back from her. “You can’t talk about it, and when you finally think you can, those kwami are there, stopping us. Don’t pretend like you’re not just devastated by them. You were bright, you were gifted with good luck and creation, and look what they did to you anyways.”</p><p>“Kitty, I don’t-“ she starts but doesn’t know how to continue, reaching towards him, grabbing his outstretched hands. She pulls him close, but he doesn’t relax into her arms like she wants.</p><p>She buries her head in his chest and feels him breathe and thinks – if she ever had him, it was this moment – he needs to calm down. “Kitty, I love you.”</p><p>His voice is unbelievably tender, but he’s uncomfortably rigid against her. “I love you too. Tell me that you’re tired, tell me that you don’t want to be the Guardian, I can fix all of it, I know a way.”</p><p>“What are you-“ she starts, but he won’t let her finish the thought.</p><p>“Say the word and it can all be over,” he pulls her tight to him with one arm as she tries to look at him. “I have clarity, now, I know how I can save you. Be your protector, one last time. Say that you’re unhappy. Admit it to yourself, if not me.”</p><p>“Kitty, I-“ she tries again.</p><p>“Admit it, I know you’re unhappy, stop pretending to be this great leader for thirty seconds and act like a real person, Marinette, please-“</p><p>He’s mad – no longer just angry but unhinged – now, and she feels like a tiny bug trapped in a predator’s tight grip. She’s barely felt anything in nearly a year, just the overwhelming stress of leadership and the numbing effect of her training – those 73 days of not being allowed to feel and desperation – and he’s forcing it back now that she’s left her kwami at home.</p><p>“-you can say it to me, you know I won’t judge and I already know, I’ve watched you lose faith in the kwami and Fu and their stupid plans, I saw how broken they tried to leave you when you were alone, before I got there, they sat there and watched you bleed out when you got your wings, they even sent me away so I couldn’t interfere, just admit-“ </p><p>“Fine!” she snaps, interjecting on his tirade now. “I’m not happy and I won’t be happy, but it’s about responsibility and duty, Adrien, don’t you get that?”</p><p>“That,” he says, a searing amount of calm finally reaching him, “doesn’t really doesn’t matter anymore. Look, Mari, you were always doing all that spirit stuff and you know more than I ever will, but even I know there’s one way to stop being Guardian.” </p><p>She feels now, feels the stress and horror and panic – and love, she thinks, if she even remembers what that means after dragging her friends into her crusade and leaving her family behind, love – and her voice creaks and wavers. “Adrien, no-“</p><p>“I love you so much, Marinette,” he’s whispering now, crying, and she feels something cold against her chest, between them. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me- as Ladybug, Marinette, Mari, anything.” She stifles a sob as he pushes the knife into her chest, holding her to him with the other arm. </p><p>He sits on the rungs of the tower with her, watching her bleed, her bright light slowly fading. She feels her breathe slowing, her heart stuttering and she forces her eyes open to watch him tear knife across his own throat. She hears buzzing – the sound of Queen Bee’s wings, she thinks, it’s already far too late to save either of them – but she’s already gone before she can confirm.<br/>
-------</p><p>Marinette is fourteen when she becomes Ladybug, seventeen when she becomes the Guardian, and eighteen when she dies.</p><p> </p><p>She is still eighteen when she is reborn.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Black Cat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He thinks of Juleka, how much he failed her because he wasn’t willing to step up for her, and to how empty he had felt for years. He had no purpose, and despite Plagg’s mildly complimentary feedback on his work as the cat, he doesn’t feel particularly drawn to being a miraculous holder.</p><p>He has seen Marinette fade throughout the time he’s been here, seen this job wear on her more and more, and thinks that saving her might be the only thing he has left to do that’s important, no matter the cost.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luka is 20 and adrift, having not outgrown that phase from his teens where he feels everything too strongly. Everyone is moving on without him, called to something better, full of ambition, but all he’s ever wanted was to follow his music and find somewhere to belong. </p><p>Today, though, he doesn’t know what to feel. His little sister, Juleka, came home and told him her classmate was missing, scoffing and joking that she probably left because she was too scared of being outed as a bully to her other classmate, Lila. It seems a little insensitive, he’s surprised at her mocking tone, and then his sister tells him who’s missing: Marinette Dupain-Cheng.</p><p>He feels a rush of emotions, fear and panic and regret, and takes a deep breath to center himself. He knows she had grown apart from Juleka over the past year for reasons no one ever told him, but he had gotten her number and continued texting her over the past few months, even meeting up for coffee a few times. </p><p>She is brilliant and beautiful and strong, he has a good sense of people even if he struggles to show it, and he knows that whatever story was being spread about her was deeply wrong. </p><p> “Jules,” he starts, unsure of how to confront his usually cautious sister. “Did you say Marinette was missing?”</p><p>Juleka smirks, pulling her phone out to text Rose. “Yeah for sure. She’s been missing like half a week- her parents put up all kinds of posters around the bakery and school, not that it’ll do any good. Lila bets even if someone found her, they wouldn’t bother to call.” She laughs to herself.</p><p>His jaw drops, floored by his sister’s blasé reaction to her former friend. “You can’t be serious, honestly, she’s missing for a week and you’re glad about it? What’s gotten into you?”</p><p>She shifts, defensive now. “It’s really none of your business. Besides, Marinette’s been awful for a while now, always being cruel to Lila who really doesn’t deserve it. You’re just graduated, you haven’t been able to see her close up for a while now- trust me, she’s the worst.”</p><p>“Jeez, Jules, try to be a little less callous about this. Regardless of how you feel about her, which, by the way, does not at all match up with what I know, it’s so not okay for you to talk about her like this when she’s not even around to defend herself.” Her eyes go wide, not used to him being this direct, but he feels too angry to back down now- besides, he’s always relied on his instincts and his are telling him this is wrong. “You and your friends are so immature and have no perspective on this. You shouldn’t be passing snap judgements on people and sharing gossip, especially when her parents are probably hurting so bad right now!”</p><p>Juleka fidgets for a moment, then glares at him. “Shut up Luka, you think you have perspective when you’re free loading on mom years after high school? Grow up, get a job or something!” She steps into his space, jabbing her finger into his chest. “Go find friends of your own, stop trying to get involved in my drama. Better yet, go do that now and get out of here- all you ever do is drag us down and bum everyone out.” She twirls on her heel and calls Rose. “Hey babe, would you pick me up at the boat? Yeah, it’s just my brother being the absolute worst again. I’ll be waiting outside.”</p><p>Luka watches her leave, can feel her leaving him behind in a more final way than just going to hang out with her girlfriend. She turns to face him before she steps outside, looking expectantly at him. He can tell she wants him to do something, probably apologize or offer to make it up to her, but he says nothing and watches passively as she slams the door behind her. </p><p>He might be able to feel a lot, but he’s never known how to speak up when it counts. </p><p>-------</p><p>1 year later</p><p>Juleka is gone, left for college, and his mom tells him to help pay rent or get out of her house. He calls up a few old high school buddies, asking for a place to stay, but they’ve all made new friends and have no room for him. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go, so he gets a job delivering pizzas on his bike.</p><p>He’s 21 and more alone than ever and he wants so badly to have a purpose, but doesn’t know how to even start trying again. </p><p>He counts his meager tips, pulling off his sweat and grease-soaked pizza shirt as he throws his bike down on the boat’s deck, too fried from a long day to even care, when something – or someone, more accurately – drops down in front of him. </p><p>He looks at the hero in front of him – Ladybug, by the look of her red and black spotted suit, even if the design is different than he remembers from when he followed the Ladyblog carefully – and honestly, it’s been so long since he’s really spoken to someone other than his mom that he’s not sure what to say.</p><p>Luckily for him, she starts, and her voice is familiar enough that he freezes. “Luka, I’m Ladybug, and I’ve come to talk to you about-“</p><p>“Holy- Marinette, is that you?” He interrupts, stepping towards her, blindsided to see this girl that he had accepted as dead in front of him now, as a nationally famous and beloved superhero. </p><p>She blinks at him, slowly. “Uh. Well. I, I guess I was going to show you who I was eventually, so yeah. I’m Marinette. I didn’t, uh, think you’d remember me though- it’s been so long since we spoke.”</p><p>“Oh, Mari,” he says quietly. “I never forgot about you.” He flinches for a moment at how unnecessarily serious his response is, but shrugs off his awkwardness and smiles patiently at her. </p><p>She startles, looking embarrassed before she visibly shakes herself and seems to reset. She can’t quite seem to hide her blush, though. “Well, now you know. I’m obviously Marinette and Ladybug, but I’m also the Guardian and keeper of the miraculous, and I want to make you an offer.”</p><p>She holds out her hand, a single black ring with a tiny green paw print in the center, and smiles at him. When he looks at her, he doesn’t just see a cryptic offer and mysterious stranger- he sees the last good friend he had, who was taken from him suddenly barely a year before. He looks over his shoulder, sees his mother arrive and her look of annoyance, then anger when she sees his discarded bike, and takes Marinette’s hand without a second thought.   </p><p>She presses the ring into his palm, tells him to say “Claws out” to activate the magic, and then they run away together, laughing. He feels powerful, exhilarated, freer than he’s ever been. </p><p>-------</p><p>This feeling of freedom dims – just a little bit – when he walks into the decrepit, unfurnished, abandoned building that Marinette calls their house. </p><p>Fuck, he thinks, Mari is barely 18 and has been gone since she’s 17 and obviously has no idea how to operate any kind of home on her own.</p><p>Fuck, he mutters, seeing Chloe and Nino – two more missing classmates of his little sister – sitting in a corner with a stack of ripped pillows, eating chips.</p><p>Fuck, he realizes, knowing he is about to parent the hell out of these teens who are barely younger than him.</p><p>-------</p><p>“We’re going furniture shopping; I know Chloe still has access to her dad’s credit card.”</p><p>“We don’t have time for that. Luka, no!”</p><p>Luka, yes.”</p><p>-------</p><p>He feels…overly smug as he drags an unhappy Marinette alongside him through a grocery store. He had had to convince her, sure, and was forced to threaten to refuse training as the black cat holder until they had a functioning home, but he was pretty sure Chloe and Nino were on his side in this. </p><p>Besides, judging the deep purple circles under Mari’s eyes, she needed a break from the kwami and Guardian duties. He had wanted her to leave the jewelry behind altogether, but she refused and clammed up completely till he dropped it. </p><p>It was hard to tell exactly what had happened to her in the past year, but considering she had left her whole life and family behind to pursue being a hero, Luka assumed it had been…difficult, to say the least, and didn’t want to push her to reveal anything she was uncomfortable with. </p><p>That didn’t mean that he was prepared to deal with her getting randomly emotional at different spots within the store. She picked up sugary baked goods, fruit, flowers, fish, rabbits, a strange combination of food that Luka was nervous to question. When she moved to pick up cheese her eyes misted up and she took several deep breathes, facing away, before grabbing two giant wheels of camembert cheese.</p><p>He offers her a newspaper to try and stop the quiet sadness overcoming her, pointing out the headline talking about someone called ‘The Necromancer’ who’s been breaking into the Parisian catacombs, but she brushes him off.</p><p>“Isn’t a necromancer someone who raises the dead?” She asks faintly.</p><p>“Yes,” Luka replies, confusedly noting her paling face. </p><p>She goes to grab more substantial yet easy to prep foods, bread and peanut butter and jelly and deli meat and slices of cheese, moving steadily and confidently through the aisles, him following her. They have to pass through the tea section on their way to bottled drinks, and he’s surprised to see her initial look of melancholy turn to anger as she stares down the oolong tea mix. </p><p>He watches her move away on her own, not looking him in the eye, and realizes that she’s not going to ask for help on her obvious issues, and she can’t get better if no one knows what she’s gone through. </p><p>He has no idea where to start on her likely myriad of problems, but Chloe and Nino have been missing for almost as long as she has, and he feels they’ll be the best place to start.</p><p>-------</p><p>The best part about being 21 and having access to Chloe’s trust fund, Luka thinks drowsily, is that he can now buy unlimited booze to drown his sorrows. He’s always a little confused on what to buy, leaning too heavily into hard liquor like vodka and tequila, but he’s got the spirit- spirits, he thinks.</p><p>It may be a sign to how much of a lightweight he is that this cracks him up.</p><p>He waits until Marinette is gone, on patrol alone, before pulling out his stash and offering it to Chloe and Nino- he really hasn’t gotten the chance to spend a lot of time with them in the week since he’s joined, though he vaguely knew Nino a few years ago – and watches them take the bait. </p><p>Chloe crinkles her nose at his collection, going straight for the sole bottle of red wine he has, whereas Nino holds out his cup, unsure. “I’ll have what you’re having, dude. I don’t really know enough to care.”</p><p>He pours them each a glass of cheap tequila, ignoring Chloe’s condescending scoff, and sits back on one of the comfy chairs – newly bought, courtesy of Chloe’s credit card and his own mediocre interior decorating skill – to look at them both.</p><p>“So. Based off what I’ve seen around here, with Marinette’s insane lack of sleep and self-preservation, I assume she’ll be out patrolling alone for at least a few more hours?” They both nod, Nino solemn and Chloe resigned. “Perfect. Gives us plenty of time to talk.”</p><p>“Talk about what?” Chloe says, slightly put off. “Ugh, I knew you weren’t just giving us free booze, there’s always a catch.”</p><p>She takes a long drink, directly out of the bottle, but Nino just stares at him, searching. Luka looks back at him, studying how hardy his skin looks, the strange webbing between his fingers, and feels that Nino sees something deeper than he lets on.</p><p>“He wants to ask us about Mari. He’s noticed that she’s not doing well.” Nino says, calm and assured. </p><p>“Yeah, pretty much that exactly,” Luka wonders for a moment if Nino had seen anything else, but decides he doesn’t care to know. “She’s been really out of it, and her energy is all wrong. Something clearly happened to her and I can’t help her if I don’t know anything.”</p><p>Nino frowns at him, and Luka suddenly feels he’s failed some kind of test. “Real cool vibes, man, asking us about her once she’s not here.”</p><p>Chloe rolls her eyes. “Definitely. She should get to tell you about what happened when she feels ready, if she ever decides to trust you.”</p><p>Luka sighs. “I know that, and normally I’d like to give her time, but I really don’t think that’s a possibility here. I- I’m worried about her, guys. She seemed real broken up about things, I don’t even know how to begin navigating that on my own.”</p><p>“Well, my first priority here is always Marinette,” she leans back into her own comfy chair, taking another big swallow of wine. “I’m not going to betray her trust for her middle school crush.”</p><p>“Sorry, wha-“ Luka tries to start, but is interrupted. </p><p>“If there’s a threat – and I can only assume there will be one, based on Mari recruiting him – we need to know each other’s weaknesses. From a purely logical stance, we need to know if she’s a liability,” Nino intones, his voice deep and rough. He takes a sip from his glass and grimaces. “I’m sorry dudette, but I agree with Luka.”</p><p>Luka smiles, trying to look trustworthy but not really sure how to convey that. “What should we start with? Do you know why Mari ran away?”</p><p>Nino sighs and steeples his fingers, his cup forgotten on the ground next to him. “Let’s start by discussing the role of the Guardian, and the one previous to Marinette. His name was Master Fu, and he was kind of ancient. Real wise, though. He possessed the turtle miraculous before me, and had begun training Marinette before his death roughly a year ago, forcing her to take over. For everyone’s safety, she had to leave and wanted to work alone. I’m not exactly certain, but based on the time of her disappearance and the time they began recruiting the two of us, I’d say she was alone for a while, training and fighting independently.”</p><p>“Who’s they?” Luka interjected.</p><p>“Ah, sorry. They refers to Marinette, of course, and the original black cat holder, Adrien Agre-“</p><p>“No, Nino, we’re not telling a two-hour story with every detail of what went down. I am three quarters done with this bottle and I’m not going to bed until we talk about this.” Chloe stands, her hands on her hips, looking down at Luka. “Here’s the truth, with what Mari has told us: a year ago, she walked in on Master Fu, dead in his home. The kwami made her Guardian immediately and told her to pick up and leave to protect them, and she did. Adrien Agreste, Chat Noir, found her after a few weeks and they lived here together for a bit till they recruited me, then Nino.”</p><p>She loses her steam here, her composure breaking just enough to make her seem her age, a hopeless teen in way over her head. Luka wants to help, but doesn’t know what to say. He settles for a question. “What happened to him?”</p><p>Her eyes snap back to him and she glares. “We beat Hawkmoth, the next day he was gone. He died, I think; Mari wouldn’t tell us how. All we know is that they went missing for a night and we were trying to find them but couldn’t. His body was on the Eiffel Tower, Mari came back here covered in blood and looking traumatized beyond belief.”</p><p>“Oh, god,” Luka whispers.<br/>
Chloe continues. “I have my…theories, of course, but I’m not here to slander my childhood friend. Feel better now that you’ve got the cliff notes of Mari’s year?”</p><p>Luka looks down, embarrassed. Marinette was found traumatized, covered in blood but relatively physically unharmed, and Adrien was dead. The answer seems clear: she killed him for whatever reason, but he knows it won’t help anyone to bring it up. Besides, his gut tells him that’s not the full story, doesn’t match up with what he knows about her, and he doesn’t want to make a snap judgement just yet.</p><p>He knocks back the rest of his glass, coughing at how much it burns, then looks back up. “Thank you, for telling me. I’m going to try my best to help- I really do care about her.”</p><p>She looks away, waving him off, but Nino meets his eyes, again, and nods. “We’re trusting you. She recruited you for a reason- I think this might be why.”</p><p>-------</p><p>“Plagg, I need your take on what happened to Adrien.”</p><p>“Kid, I don’t think that’s a good idea-”</p><p>“Did you feel him slipping and not say anything, or did you really not notice?”</p><p>“This really isn’t my place to say, you should really go talk to Tikki or Wayzz-”</p><p>“You’re my kwami, damn it, you have to tell me!”</p><p> A pause. “I would tread carefully, here, if I were you.” His tone is unusually hostile, dangerous.</p><p>“Sorry, I just- I want to know what happened.”</p><p>“I know kid, I get it.” Plagg sighs, unhappy. “Sometimes you remind me of him, you know. I can tell you after your training about some of it?”</p><p>“I’ll hold you to it.”</p><p>-------</p><p>Marinette sits across from him, legs crossed and mirroring his basic meditation pose. “We need to start with the theory behind your power, before you can start to learn.”</p><p>Luka smiles at her, happy to be spending time alone with her for the first time in a few days. “Sounds good. I’m more of a doer than thinker, if I’m being honest with you.”</p><p>She smiles back at him and it feels like a little victory. “You learn theory first regardless. Let’s start. I assume you were familiar with Chat Noir, your predecessor?”</p><p>“Yes,” he replies. </p><p>“Good. His go to move was Cataclysm, where he could destroy anything he touched, in whatever way and whatever speed he wanted. It has one use, and a five-minute timer. Got it?”</p><p>“Destruction touch, limited use and time,” he recites. “Keep going.”</p><p>She smiles at him again, then gets back to business. “Your next power is Catalyst. This is much more difficult to control. Think of it as targeted bad luck, bad luck that you can push towards a specific individual for however long you want.”</p><p>“However long I want?” he asks hesitantly.</p><p>“Yes- their whole lives, if you wanted,” her gaze is piercing. “I don’t think that would be helpful for you, in any case. You have to see them in person to cast it.”</p><p>He nods. “Gotcha.”</p><p>“Finally, you have catastrophe. This is the most uncontrollable and probably shouldn’t be used that often. It’s like setting off a large, extremely powerful and concentrated bomb, and will kill friends and enemies indistinguishably.”</p><p>“That sounds scary,” he begins, looking down at his ring. “Will it hurt me?”</p><p>“Yes,” and she looks sad for a moment. “You’ll always have a few minutes before it goes off, two, I think, which is plenty of time to get out of the blast zone while in the suit. I wouldn’t recommend using this power, especially not someplace as crowded as Paris. With this miraculous, you’ve got to be more responsible than most.”</p><p>“Of course,” he agrees, and she smiles in return. It’s just a little too tight, too forced, he can feel how stressed she feels under all the pretense, but he doesn’t want to call her out now. There is something he needs to know, however. “Mari- is there a reason you recruited me? I don’t think there’s been any new threats since Hawkmoth, but you’re still patrolling.” </p><p>She frowns at him, but nods. “The kwamis have heard whispers. I know you don’t really talk to them – that’s fine, it’s no issue – but they’re getting worried. It might not be anything, but they think there’s something coming, something not miraculous.” She wrings her hands, and he’s pleasantly surprised to see the existence of an old nervous tic he thought she had abandoned. “I’ve been doing extra patrols to recruit a new butterfly and peacock; I’ve been training them in a few powers. They’re not fully part of this, yet, of course, which is why I hadn’t mentioned it.”</p><p>He considers this, appeased. “Okay. Mari- I appreciate you talking to me about all of this, but I want to make sure you know it’s okay to reach out to us whenever you need. I can’t help you unless you talk to me.”</p><p>“Thank you,” she replies, smiling faintly. “One more thing-“ she looks nervous now, and he finds it even more unsettling than her perpetual air of melancholy since he’s arrived. “The closer the bond you have with the miraculous, the more they bond with you. With just one power, especially a simpler power like Cataclysm, you won’t see any effects. But as you grow stronger, it’ll start changing you.”</p><p>“Changing me?” </p><p>“Mostly appearance based. You see my freckles and ears? Side effects of the ladybug and fox miraculouses. Adr-The last Chat Noir got the ability to see in the dark,” she takes a breath. “Chloe and I got wings; Nino got armored skin. It varies pretty significantly based off the kwami, I think.”</p><p>He doesn’t comment on her brief lapse. “I’ll become cat like? Kind of like becoming a hero even outside of being transformed?”</p><p>“Vaguely- I wouldn’t describe it as that much of a bonus, though,” she grins at him. “Besides, I doubt the cat miraculous will give you anything as cool as flying.”</p><p>“You’ll have to show me sometime.”</p><p>She touches her back, gingerly, and he wonders if they grow from her shoulders one day, beautiful and peaceful. “I guess I will,” she says, and he thinks he’s never seen anything as simultaneously lovely and heartbreaking as her smile.</p><p>-------</p><p>The next time Luka gets out his alcohol stash – newly stocked with a variety of wines, per Chloe’s request – Marinette joins them. </p><p>She doesn’t drink, claiming Tikki would be angry at her for neglecting her Guardian duties, and Chloe offers to join her in solidarity. Marinette says no, of course, telling Chloe she should focus on bonding with the others.</p><p>Forty minutes later, the three of them are plastered and Marinette watches them amusedly. </p><p>None of them have been this drunk before, and it turns out both Luka and Chloe are sad drunks. Nino is just mellowed, more so than normal, a little on the honest side. It’s almost funny, till Nino tells them he misses his ex-girlfriend and they all get really emotional, really fast. Marinette sits to the side, looking a little lost and overwhelmingly guilty.</p><p>Luka wants to reach out to her, tell her it’s not her fault she was given such terrible responsibility in a time of overwhelming crisis, but he doesn’t know how and so he doesn’t try. </p><p>It turns out Chloe doesn’t miss people from their old class or her family – Luka refuses to even look at that can of worms – but she misses Adrien deeply. Something in Marinette’s expression cracks at that and Luka watches her struggle to compose herself. He sees Nino do the same, and he wonders if there’s much that boy doesn’t notice.</p><p>Nino’s girlfriend – Alya, a name Luka vaguely recognizes, probably from Juleka’s class – was the reporter on the Ladyblog. He says he checks up on her sometimes, she’s still doing investigative work; right now, she’s looking into some guy calling himself ‘The Necromancer’, an over dramatic name in Luka’s opinion.</p><p>Like Chloe, he didn’t have any close friends, but he did have his sister and his mom. Things ended poorly between them all, and he regrets not making an effort to patch things up when he still had chances left. He thinks he’s happier now, though, less lonely. </p><p>It’s Chloe who brings Marinette into the conversation, wanting her to feel included. ”So Mari,” she drawls, “Who do you miss?”</p><p>She looks down from her perch and joins them on the ground. “I miss my family, I think. I miss my friends, sort of. I, well, I guess I wasn’t really friends with a lot of them towards the end of my time at school.” She shudders, hugging her shoulders. “I could probably recruit Alya or someone suited for the remaining miraculous, bring her here so you could see her more, Nino, we have the peacock and butterfly open right now.” She pauses, longer this time. “I miss Adrien a lot more than anyone else, still.”</p><p>Luka feels a sour taste in his mouth at that, and based off looks Chloe seems to as well. </p><p>“The fox miraculous has different powers than the others, you know, less direct. It lets me see him sometimes. I-I wish he was still here, though, really here.” Her voice cracks loudly and she pushes Chloe’s reaching arm off her shoulders. She grabs the bottle of wine out of her hands though, and drinks what’s left of it in one long gulp. Nino looks surprised, but Marinette laughs bitterly. “Does it really matter if I drink? I bet I can’t even get drunk anyways, and Tikki’s been passed out from exhaustion for like twenty minutes.”</p><p>Nino glances up quickly at this, whatever boosted calm he felt from drinking disappearing in favor of observing his friend. “You can’t? Get drunk, I mean?” His voice is soft.</p><p>Her eyes widen and she hesitates. “I don’t think so, I mean, there’s no way to know for sure, right?”</p><p>They all frown at her, Chloe clearly ready to question her, but Luka doesn’t know how to ask questions when looking at the panic on her face. “Probably another side effect of the miraculous, right?”</p><p>“Yeah! And, w-well, I don’t know anything for certain, a-and there’s really no way to test these things out,” she says, taking a nervous swig of a newly opened bottle, “other than getting drunk with you guys!”</p><p>Nino scoots over to her, examining her, looking too closely. “Your hair hasn’t grown since I’ve met you. …What happened with Adrien?”</p><p>“Nino,” Chloe whispers, hushed. “You can’t just ask her that, it’s sensitive.”</p><p>“I think we have a right to know at some point, dudette. Our kwami clearly know and Wayzz still won’t tell me anything about it.”</p><p>“This really isn’t the time,” Marinette answers, clearly unnerved. He reaches a hand out to her, resting it on her knee, and she gratefully leans into it. “I think I’d better call it a night.”</p><p>He frowns after her, thinks her steps look a little shakier than normal, and decides to try and take action. “I’ll go with you, Mari, I’m feeling pretty tired too.”</p><p>He doesn’t look at the others as he gets up and trails up the stairs after her, ignoring the stares he feels aimed at his back.</p><p>-------</p><p>He catches her with her shirt ripped, wings unfurled, halfway out the window. She hears him come in and steps back into the room, sheepishly.</p><p>“Going somewhere?” He asks, leaning against the wall in front of her.</p><p>She looks peaceful with her wings out, some heavy weight that is constantly pulling her down seemingly gone, and she looks reckless- something surprising from the rule-following Guardian.</p><p>“Maybe,” she hedges, looking up at him. “Wanna come with? I’m plenty strong enough to carry us both, you know.” Her wings flutter tauntingly. “Chloe has those thin bee wings, but I’m a lot tougher than that. Comes with armor and everything.”</p><p>Luka grins at her, feeling a bit daring. “I’d love to, Mari.” Seeing the look in her eyes, he goes a step further. “To be honest, though, I feel like I could follow you anywhere.”</p><p>“O-oh,” she whispers, breaking eye contact with him. “Well, uh, no time like the present?” She steps back to the window and leaps out, coming back up to eye level in barely a moment. “Coming?”</p><p>He doesn’t waste a second in jumping out after her, letting her catch him in a fireman’s carry as he loops his arms around her neck. He’s glad he followed her, because flying feels like the most exhilarating thing he’s ever done. He watches as she goes quickly through Paris, faster than he thought she’d be able, and barely notices when she returns back to the roof of their house, setting him down and landing lightly beside him.</p><p>“That…Mari, that was incredible,” he stares at her, awestruck. “How do you walk anywhere? I mean, if I had that power, I’d be flying everywhere all the time!”</p><p>She smiles back at him, more relaxed than he’s seen her since her disappearance- probably before even that, if he’s thinking about it.</p><p>“It is tempting, I’ll admit, but it’s a little scary being up there by yourself. Lonely, too, I suppose.”</p><p>“Have you ever fallen?” he asks, too high on adrenaline to think about how his question probably just killed the mood. </p><p>She just laughs to his relief. “Yes, but I’m usually able to catch myself. There’s been a few times where I have fallen, hit the ground, but I’ve avoided getting hurt from those.”</p><p>“Good thing you have a team willing to catch you,” he adds, leaning against her. He’s looking into her eyes and he’s so buzzed on wine and flying that he mistakes her look of panic for nerves as he leans in.</p><p>What he doesn’t miss is her hand on his shoulder as she scoots away. “Luka, I…not like this, okay? I don’t think either of us are in the right state of mind.”</p><p>He frowns at her. “Why not now? I finished drinking hours ago, and you said you couldn’t get drunk at all- what was with that, by the way?”</p><p>She shakes her head quickly, standing up and beginning to pace next to him. “It’s just a theory, based on some weird things that have been happening to me. Fights…everything, really, hasn’t been working as it should be.” She runs a hand through her hair, and Luka regrets how thoroughly he’s ruined whatever peace she had achieved. He wants to help her, he’s pretty sure it’s the only reason he was placed here, but he keeps messing it up. “It’s not about how sober we are, though I suppose that’s a factor. I just d-don’t think I’m in a position to pursue anything right now.”</p><p>“Maybe I can help figure out at least one of your problems? We could ask Tikki what the issue is, I’m sure your kwami would be happy to help.”</p><p>She pulls a sleeping kwami out of her purse, and they look at Tikki. “I won’t wake her now.” She reaches back into her bag, and they hear a startled “ouch!” from Trixx. “Oh, no! Sorry little buddy.”</p><p>She fishes him out, checking his head where she had poked him with her finger, and Luka decides that if anyone in the house knows about mysteries and lies, it’s the fox kwami. </p><p>“Hey, Trixx, Mari told me she’s been feeling strange and having issues. Any ideas on that?” His gut tells him being blunt with Trixx is the best path forward, anything else and the kwami would start playing mind games with him immediately. </p><p>“Hey, Luka, don’t bother him with this…” She trails off as Trixx shushes her, and she looks at Luka questioningly. “What are you-“</p><p>“I said, be quiet,” Trixx whispers to them. “I think you deserve to know what’s going on, but Tikki sleeps like a stressed guinea pig and keeps waking up whenever I try. I can tell you now, though.”</p><p>She looks at him, hugging him close. “That’s fantastic, Trixx! What is it?”</p><p>“It’s not something you’ll necessarily want to know. Are you both okay with that?” </p><p>Luka looks at her and nods. With his support, Marinette turns to her kwami. “I have to know. I have my suspicions, but I don’t know anything for sure.”</p><p>“Fine,” the kwami sighs. “I think you all deserve to hear about these things, but it’s really only my place to discuss the fox miraculous. See, it comes with a price – a curse, if you would. You get immense power, over reality and others and the world, but you also get immortality, whether you want it or not.”</p><p>Luka blinks slowly. “Sorry, did you just say-“</p><p>“Immortality,” Marinette breathes out. “I- I thought so, but I hoped I was wrong.”</p><p>“Sorry, kit,” Trixx goes to her shoulder, leaning against her neck. “I wanted to warn you but it’s a little above my pay grade.” They lean together for a moment, seeming to forget Luka is there, until they suddenly become aware of his presence all at once.</p><p>“Oh, oh gosh, Luka, I’m sorry you had to hear about all that,” she gushes, wringing her hands nervously. “Would you- I don’t mean to impose, of course, but would you be able to do me a favor?”</p><p>He thinks of how good this night was meant to be and how it’s ending with this revelation that he doesn’t even know how to address and decides it’s cruel that the one time he takes action, everything goes to hell. He’s got to start getting it right. “Of course, Marinette.”</p><p>She smiles at him, disarmingly, then hands him Tikki and cries “Trixx, let’s pounce!” Now transformed she looks at him closely. “Take care of her for a few days, I think I need to have a chat with my kwami about some things.”</p><p>She’s gone before he can stop her.</p><p>-------</p><p>Marinette returns four days later, her clothes torn, bloody, burnt. She looks tired, Luka thinks, but more importantly, he can feel her exhaustion. He has the power of destruction and he can sense how wrecked she is, feels it emanating off her in waves. </p><p>She’s barely been doing this for a year, and that’s with her close friends. He can’t imagine her going on for lifetimes alone.</p><p>He thinks of Juleka, how much he failed her because he wasn’t willing to step up for her, and to how empty he had felt for years. He had no purpose, and despite Plagg’s mildly complimentary feedback on his work as the cat, he doesn’t feel particularly drawn to being a miraculous holder.</p><p>He has seen Marinette fade throughout the time he’s been here, seen this job wear on her more and more, and thinks that saving her might be the only thing he has left to do that’s important, no matter the cost.</p><p>-------</p><p>“Marinette, I have an idea that can help you. It’ll free you from being Guardian and will bring you rest, I’m sure of it.” He’s earnest, excited with his ingenuity. He was careful not to mention this plan to the others or Plagg, it won’t work if others have time to interfere.</p><p>To Marinette’s credit, she stares at him, a hint of hope and a lot of resignation in her eyes. “I must admit, Luka, this is like déjà vu for me.”</p><p>“I think I’ve figured it out, though,” he grabs her hands happily. “This is a miraculous based problem for a miraculous holder. It needs a miraculous solution.”</p><p>“I’m afraid I don’t follow.”</p><p>“I have destruction powers- bad luck, sure, but also death and rot. If anyone can end immortality, it’s me. I can save you.” He’s sure of himself, and his confidence seems to convince Marinette. “We could do it now.”</p><p>Her eyes widen and she frowns at him. “It’s an interesting offer, but I’m still Guardian. I still have a job to do. In the future, definitely, I believe I’ll need a way out, but not now.”</p><p>He frowns- Chloe and Nino were out, giving the miraculous to new holders Marinette hand-picked, and transformed so Plagg couldn’t protest. His kwami had definitely heard everything, and this was now their only chance to make it work. “Mari, it has to be now. You have to trust me.” Besides, he doesn’t think he can stomach watching her in pain for years, he wants her to be free now- as unabashedly happy as she had been while flying.</p><p>She fingers her earrings, looking noticeably more panicked than she had moments before. “Now I’m really starting to get déjà vu.” He steps towards her and she hisses. “You’re not going to be able to cataclysm me, I’m too fast.” He lunges for her, and she dodges, yelling “Spots on!” and becoming Ladybug. </p><p>“I don’t need to catch you, I’m just trying to help!” he protests. “Besides, I don’t really need to grab you to hit you with magic.” Her eyes widen and he points at her. “Catalyst!” A dark aura surrounds her and she stumbles, hitting the ground. </p><p>“Lucky charm!” she cries, but drops it instead of catching it, letting Luka grab it first. She scoots back, away from him, but she can’t go fast enough to get away from him. “You don’t know how cataclysm will work on a person. This isn’t how you want to do this.” He grabs at her again and she barely misses, rolling to the side. “Trixx, let’s pounce!”</p><p>He feels frightened of her, for a moment, remembering that it’s very likely she killed Adrien, the former Black Cat, but it’s too late to turn back now.</p><p>The double transformation doesn’t do anything but drain her energy while cursed with bad luck. He picks her up, throws her over his shoulder, and starts running. “I don’t plan to cataclysm you.”</p><p>“Then what?” she asks angrily.</p><p>He grins at her. “You’re a good teacher, Mari. Catastrophe!” He watches as a crackling ball of light appears in his hand, clearly unstable. He can feel it pulling at him to throw it away, to get rid of it, but he puts it in his belt pocket. He keeps moving, getting to an abandoned alley with no civilians around. </p><p>“L-L-Luka, why?” the words seems caught in her throat, she’s crying now, she knows that she can’t counter this level of destruction while totally unprepared.</p><p>“I had to,” he whispers, unsure for a moment. It felt like something was driving him unfairly, but he also wanted to help Marinette and if this was how he could do that, he felt obligated to. “I wanted to save you. It…seemed the only way to make myself useful.”</p><p>She stares at him through her tears, breathing heavily. “I could’ve saved myself, and we could have worked together for years. It could have been good.”</p><p>He stares back. He can already feel the familiar sting of regret wash over him, and he realizes how misguided this was- he doesn’t want her last moments to be afraid. “Maybe. It’s too late now.” He pulls out the hand held catastrophe. There are only a few seconds left. “Mari, I’m sorry I did it this way, but I had to try and save you in whatever way I could. I’m not strong, but I do care about you, and I had to take action.”</p><p>He feels everything at once – splitting of atoms, being blown apart, her shaking in his arms, unmitigated destruction – then he feels nothing at all. </p><p>-------</p><p>Marinette wakes up an hour later, alone in a blackened crater between two destroyed stores, the black cat ring in her hand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Peacock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They’ve gone over all the information they pulled out of the kwami, all the details of the curses, and now all Alya can do is think over her own curse while Marinette talks. </p><p>Alya thinks she should have learned her lesson about blindly trusting others after Lila.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Here are the facts as Alya knows them: </p><p>When she moved to Paris at fourteen, a supervillain and terrorist named Hawkmoth appeared and began fighting two heroes, Ladybug and Chat Noir.</p><p>Her new friend Marinette was apparently friends with these heroes and got her new website, the Ladyblog, several exclusives with the secretive Ladybug.</p><p>Four good friends from her class disappeared suddenly over the course of her seventeenth year in this order: Marinette, Adrien, Chloe, Nino. </p><p>Over the next few weeks, Ladybug and Chat Noir are joined by new heroes, Queen Bee and Carapace.</p><p>Her close friend, Lila, is revealed to be a pathological liar and associate of Hawkmoth’s and quickly leaves the city in shame. Her blog is discredited.</p><p>Hawkmoth is mysteriously defeated a few months later, along with his accomplice Mayura, and is revealed to be Gabriel Agreste, Adrien’s father. </p><p>Adrien Agreste’s body is found two days later beneath the Eiffel Tower, dead from a self-inflicted knife wound. Forensics find the blood of Marinette Dupain-Cheng on him. Chat Noir is never seen again and Ladybug disappears for a few weeks.</p><p>One month after this happens, her classmate’s brother, Luka Couffaine, disappears. A new black cat is spotted the same day.</p><p>One week after this, Ladybug approaches herself and another girl, gives them the peacock and butterfly miraculouses, and begins secretly training them, carefully keeping all their identities secret from one another and the rest of the miraculous holders.</p><p>And finally: even though her blog had gone down in flames years ago and no one trusted her, she was still a reporter, and was determined to find out, one way or another, how her old friends and heroes were linked.</p><p>-------</p><p>“You two have proven yourself ready and…someone has been telling me I should be more trusting.” Ladybug’s voice is always serious and formal, but Alya can tell she feels a little lighter today. “It’s time to show you to use your miraculouses powers.”</p><p>The butterfly doesn’t react, but Alya never expects her to make the first move- she’s always cautious, careful with her identity, even more paranoid than Ladybug was about it. “That sounds great, LB! What do you need from us?”</p><p>“Just sit back and listen. Today I’m going to explain how your powers work, you can let me know if you have any questions at the end.”</p><p>Alya, transformed as the peacock, sits proudly and smiles at the butterfly next to her. “Ready when you are!”</p><p>“Let’s do this,” the butterfly agrees quietly.</p><p>“We will go over the others first. Bees are builders, and are incredibly versatile. They can incapacitate an enemy, morph their staff into any item, and can control weak individuals to create a hive mind. The turtle is a thinker, someone who is cautious and wise, but is a powerful defender when they’re needed. They can create shields, wield control over the earth and water, and monumentally increase their strength in times of need. </p><p>“Foxes are mysterious and they’re hard to pin down.” Ladybug looks carefully at butterfly now, and Alya is surprised to see her flinch, an uncharacteristic slip of emotion. “They create illusions, enforce the truth, and can commune with the dead. Their kwami is not well-known, however, and is abrasive to most potential wielders, so not a lot of people have any details about them.</p><p>“The black cat is the aggressor, the combatant. They destroy and pollute whatever they are around, and they are an essential part of an offensive in any fight. They are loyal to their friends, but headstrong. They are brute force and power, rage and chaos, and if you go against one, you will lose.”</p><p>Ladybug pauses, looking down in her lap and clasping her hands tightly. She takes a deep breath, raw and ragged, and Alya sees the terrible difference years have made for her.</p><p>“I, of course, am the current Ladybug holder. We’re creators, first and foremost, and generally are leaders. We can harness good luck, rebuild destruction, and inspire those around us.</p><p>“Barring any questions, let’s continue. It’s time to talk about the peacock and butterfly.” Alya shifts excitedly, taking mental notes of everything she’s learning- she never knows what could be vital later on. “The other miraculouses are leaders, attackers, defenders: their primary initiative is to attack. They have other roles, sure, but they are meant to support each other in a combat situation. This, of course, begs the question of who supports them.</p><p>“You were both chosen for your intelligence and potential to grow into these roles. Peacocks see and butterflies feel. You’re tactical support in a fight, never meant to directly engage, but point out what others are missing and prevent serious damage. You are both my trump cards if a serious threat reemerges. </p><p>“Peacock, you can see into the future, create giant lights like flashbangs to temporarily blind the enemy, and shift your feathers into a shield or array of knives, depending on your need.” Alya touches her tail feathers, always present, and smiles.</p><p>“Butterfly, you can heal your allies, move at incredible speeds, and take control of another individual to grant them powers to help fight.”</p><p>The butterfly frowns. “Take control? Like-”</p><p>“Not like Hawkmoth. He possessed people. You can take control of anybody with their consent, even teammates or friends. You will not use your powers like he did, okay?”</p><p>The butterfly shakes her head rapidly. “I would never misuse my power like that, Ladybug. I hope you know that.”</p><p>Ladybug smiles. “I do,” she stands and they rise with her. She reaches out and grabs their hands, drawing them closer. “I believe in redemption and I believe in the two of you. I wouldn’t have chosen either of you otherwise.”</p><p>Alya lets herself be drawn into the group hug before they depart but can’t stop herself from doubting Ladybug’s words. She knows she messed up when she trusted Lila and there’s no reason for Ladybug to give her something this significant as a show of faith- if the rest of Paris hasn’t forgiven her, it’s hard to understand why Ladybug would.</p><p>She doesn’t know what the butterfly could’ve done to become so guarded, for Ladybug to consider their need for redemption comparable, and she doesn’t know how to find out.</p><p>-------</p><p>They meet again and something has shifted. </p><p>Whatever ounce of levity Ladybug had seems gone and her walls are up, even more than when she first appeared to Alya, offering a miraculous and a second chance. </p><p>She makes eye contact with the butterfly when Ladybug is turned away, gathering something from the corner, who for once is on the same page and looks suitably concerned. Alya waves her hand at LB and glares.</p><p>The butterfly steps forward when Ladybug comes back, carefully, and reaches out to her, hand resting lightly on her shoulder. “I don’t mean to impose, Ladybug, but I have to ask- are you okay?”</p><p>Ladybug looks at them both, fully raising her eye to them for the first time that day, and Alya gasps at the dark circles under her eyes, how red-rimmed they are. </p><p>“I don’t want to keep secrets from you two, you know that?” Both girls nod quickly, reaching out to her. Ladybug collapses in their arms and the three hug tightly- they may not know each other’s identities yet, but these weeks of training has forged a strong bond. “I’m meant to be the Guardian, you know, but I’m younger than you two and my kwami always tells me to do things and they never go right. I- I keep making mistakes, bad ones, and I don’t know how to stop.” </p><p>She wheezes, struggling for breath, and Alya doesn’t know what to say. They pull apart and she feels way in over her head. The butterfly, on the other hand, looks wrecked. “It’s okay, Ladybug, just breathe. You know me. If you can trust me still, after everything I’ve done, every mistake I’ve made, I can still trust you, no questions asked.” </p><p>Ladybug stares at her desperately and nods, takes deeper breathes, and Alya doesn’t know what to do. She settles for pulling them closer once more, hugging them even tighter than before. </p><p>-------</p><p>“I think it’s time for you to meet all the holders.”</p><p>“Oh my god, LB, are you serious?”</p><p>“You don’t have to, Ladybug, don’t feel obligated to do anything you don’t want.”</p><p>“I’m sure. I’m not going to waste any time this time- I can’t.”</p><p>Alya and the butterfly stop protesting.</p><p>-------</p><p>“Carapace, Bee, Butterfly, Peacock, I’m giving you all the option to meet one another.” </p><p>Ladybug stands between the two small groups, trying to remain aggressively upbeat despite the tense atmosphere- it’s so clearly false that it doesn’t really help. Alya doesn’t know what she was thinking, keeping the recruitment of her and butterfly a total secret, but the transformed turtle and bee do not look happy about it.</p><p>“I can go first, no worries,” Ladybug says, forcing a smile onto her face. It’s a nice effort, Alya thinks, but it looks unnatural with how few times she’s smiled outside this. “Spots off!”</p><p>And…now the silence is worse.</p><p>Carapace and Queen Bee are looking at her in disbelief and Alya and butterfly are looking out of…shock. Because Ladybug isn’t just someone they knew vaguely or some stranger who had watched them fail publicly and then reached out, it’s-</p><p>-It’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the girl Alya betrayed and helped bully for the better part of a year, who she left behind without a second thought. God, she cheered and threw a sleepover when Marinette had been announced missing, and now she’s been given another chance?</p><p>The butterfly doesn’t look much better. “Oh, god, oh my god,” she whispers frantically, then steps quietly just behind Alya, hiding.</p><p>They all stare at each other, uncomfortable and nervous, even Marinette seems unsure of what to do, till Queen Bee breaks it up. “This is lame and doesn’t matter, and I’m tired of waiting. Pollen, buzz off!”</p><p>And…yep, that’s Chloe Bourgeois and Alya doesn’t know why she’s surprised about it. The disappearances match up, time-wise, and even if she doesn’t know why Chloe was deserving of a second chance like this, it makes sense. </p><p>What’s worse than Chloe, though, is who the turtle must be. Alya looks over to him, mouth dry, heart racing, and she doesn’t know how to say it. She looks over to La- no, Marinette now – and sees that she’s patiently watching this play out, not wanting to get involved unless someone asks for it, and she takes a deep breath.</p><p>“Feathers, fall!”</p><p>“Shell off!”</p><p>They detransform at the same time and his whispered “Alya?” feels like a punch to the gut. She waves, weakly, and he looks away from her to Ladybug. They both look solemn and he frowns at her. “This was a bad call, dudette. How long?”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I- I had to, they didn’t really give me a choice.” He looks resigned at this, but to Alya’s confusion, Chloe looks angry. “And, uh, since before the party where we talked about it.”</p><p>They hold each other’s gaze, Chloe looking on shrewdly, but he sighs and looks down. “We’ll talk about this later.”</p><p>Once again, Chloe is the one to interrupt the awkward energy that still hasn’t left. “We can and will talk about that later, Mari, but right now we need to know who little miss Hawkmoth 2.0 is?”</p><p>Alya watches the butterfly freeze from where she was almost to the door, caught, and Marinette glares at Chloe, who practically wilts under her harsh gaze. “That’s not nice. We’ve talked about this, Chlo, some things aren’t okay to joke about.”</p><p>Chloe steps up to Marinette, wraps her in a loose hug and kisses her cheek happily. “Sorry, Mari!” And, uh, yeah, that’s new, Alya thinks.</p><p>They all watch the butterfly as Marinette turns to her and smiles, softly. “It’s okay. Mutual trust, right? I’ll take you home after.”</p><p>The butterfly is stiff but nods, and they all wait with bated breath. “Wings, fall!”</p><p>Alya isn’t sure who she was expecting, but she was in no way prepared to see Lila Rossi standing in front of her, a few years older, strange tattoos on her face and fragile wings on her back, standing anxiously with none of the confidence she was once associated with. She hears Chloe and Nino scoff at the reveal and can feel their judgement towards her and Lila, and honestly? Alya kind of agrees.</p><p>“…You picked Lila and I? You had access to all of Paris, probably the whole world, and you picked us? Jesus, Marinette, you picked Chloe too?” She’s kind of dumbstruck, not at all prepared for this blast from the past. It’s really not her place to say anything – she really hasn’t spoken to Marinette in years, after all – but they’ve been training together for weeks, building up some kind of friendship, and that’s got to be worth something. </p><p>“Oh, you’ve got some nerve, coming in here and yelling at Mari like that-“ Chloe is visibly angry, defensive, and Alya fingers her miraculous.</p><p>Marinette steps back in before anything comes of it. “It’s fine, Chlo. And you don’t need to get it, Alya, neither of you do. I picked you both because of who you are, not your past, and because I think the miraculous will give you a chance to grow past all that.” She smiles at them, not just at Alya but at Lila too, and then turns to Chloe and Nino. “We can discuss this when I get back, but the decision is made. I have to take these two home first, though.”</p><p>She leads them out and Alya stops them outside the warehouse. “Marinette. You’re willing to commit to this?” Lila is quiet.</p><p>“I’m taking a chance on the two of you, sure, but I think it’s worth it. You can keep your miraculous, by the way- now that the identities are revealed there’s no need for you to keep turning them in. Take some time to get to know your kwami.”</p><p>Alya doesn’t understand. “Marinette,” she starts, looking into her eyes. She glances at Lila, before continuing, and sees how tense and unhappy she is, thinks back to how clearly reserved she’s been the whole time they’ve known each other. Alya has a family, has support outside of all the friends she lost when everything went down, but Lila was disowned. She has nothing. </p><p>And- even if she doesn’t quite agree still, doesn’t think they’re worth it, Alya kind of gets it now. “Thank you.”</p><p>Marinette smiles at them both. “Anytime.”</p><p>-------</p><p>She’s on her way home, transformed again, when it hits. </p><p>--she’s somewhere else, somewhere dark and rotten, it’s everywhere--</p><p>--all around her are tunnels, deep and winding, she can see all of them and nothing all at once--</p><p>--there’s something in the walls, white and hard, and as she looks closer, she realizes they’ve got holes that look almost like eyes--</p><p>--someone appears in front of her, wearing a white and black mask over their face, and she can sense their grin as they step closer to her--</p><p>She screams and misses her step, falling onto a roof, breathing heavily.</p><p>-------</p><p>“Marinette, something happened, we need to talk.” Alya is panicked, breathing heavy into the phone, pacing on a rooftop. “Come meet me, I know it’s a bad time, just please-”</p><p>She sends the message, not wanting to ramble more, and buries her head in her hands, trying both to think through what she had seen and trying desperately to not think about that face in the dark-</p><p>“Alya, are you alright?” Marinette lands, as Ladybug, and crouches down next to Alya. “Breath with me, okay? Spots off! We’re gonna inhale for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight, got it? Let’s do this. 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Again.”</p><p>Her breathing slows, little by little, until she’s a barely shaking mess plastered to Marinette’s side. They breathe deeply, calmly, together, once, twice, a third time. “…okay.” She whispers.</p><p>“Okay,” Marinette answers. “Alya. What happened?”</p><p>“I was transformed – oh, feathers fall! – and this vision, I think, hit me suddenly. I was somewhere else, but also not anywhere at all, and it was terrifying, Marinette, terrifying.” She looks up and sees her friend’s face a few shades paler than normal.</p><p>“You- you had a vision?” Her words are slow, halting, closer to the Marinette she used to know than the uncompromising Ladybug she’s seen recently. </p><p>“Yes,” she answers.</p><p>“You know, I recently had a conversation with one of my kwami about the consequences of mastering the miraculous. It was- well, it was pretty heavily implied that it wouldn’t happen to anyone but the fox, but recent events have made me think that’s not true. A-Alya- your eyes have been changing color.”</p><p>She blinks. “One of your kwamis? What consequences? Tell me what you know, Marinette.”</p><p>Her old friend stares back, carefully. “We should talk.”</p><p>-------</p><p>They’re seated together, an hour’s train ride from Paris, and they stare together at the three kwami across from them.</p><p>Tikki, Trixx, and Dusuu stare right back.</p><p>Marinette, the dutiful Guardian, speaks first. “Alya, you’re the reporter here. Keep note on what they tell us.”</p><p>“Got it,” she responds, feeling excited to have this chance despite the seriousness of the situation. </p><p>Marinette focuses her attention on the fox kwami that Alya hadn’t known she carried around. “Trixx. You promised that it was just me who was cursed.” Alya glances up at this, but Marinette looks so stressed she can’t bring herself to interrupt.</p><p>The fox kwami just laughs. “I told you that you were cursed and that the others weren’t relevant. It’s true enough; it’s really not my business to talk about the other kwami. Besides, you know I think you should know all the details, but I don’t quite outrank Tikki.”</p><p>“I am your Guardian and I demand answers. I cannot protect you if you continually refuse to give me all the information.” She’s stone-cold, stutter gone, and Alya feels like she’s intruding on something much more than herself.</p><p>Tikki glares, this time, and responds. “We agreed not to worry you, Sugar Bug. Besides, the curses aren’t quite finite, you know? It’s always possible they won’t happen.”</p><p>Alya steps in this time. “Have they always happened?” Marinette glances at her gratefully.</p><p>Tikki looks down. “Once the physical attributes set in, the curses start. We- I, at least, am always hopeful it won’t have to play out poorly.”</p><p>“What she means to say is that we need holders regardless of consequence and it’s not effective to have barely trained ones. After we bond, it’s too late for y’all to go.” Trixx is perpetually casual, unbothered. </p><p>“Did Master Fu know about this when he gave Adrien and I the miraculous?” </p><p>Tikki stares at Marinette, unblinking, remorseless. Alya suddenly becomes aware of how old these kwami are, how much they’ve seen, how little empathy they have left for mortals like herself. “Yes.”</p><p>Marinette breathes deeply and rubs the heel of her hand over her eyes quickly. “Dusuu.” The kwami startles, looking guiltier than the other two. “Are Alya’s visions her curse?”</p><p>“They’re part of it. Just a piece though. A sign that it’s starting to set in.”</p><p>Alya reaches out, grips Marinette’s hand, and the two breathe together. They’ve been separate for years but good friends can fall back together easily, and these two were always amazing partners in crime. </p><p>Marinette leans forward. “Tell us everything.”</p><p>-------</p><p>It’s the next day and Alya is sitting with Marinette for moral support, watching her talk to Chloe and Nino.</p><p>They’ve gone over all the information they pulled out of the kwami, all the details of the curses, and now all Alya can do is think over her own curse while Marinette talks. </p><p>Alya thinks she should have learned her lesson about blindly trusting others after Lila.</p><p>She can see Nino and Chloe reacting with horror, sadness, pain. Nino looks resigned and Chloe looks floored and Alya can’t even pay attention like she normally would, she’s too focused on her own curse.</p><p>Her visions are going to slowly overtake her, becoming increasingly vivid and frequent, and at some point, she’ll go blind. These visions will become the only thing she’ll ever see. Dusuu said the time frame varies, and that it can happen instantly or over years.</p><p>Alya doesn’t think it’s a good sign she’s already having visions.</p><p>She tunes back in as Marinette begins to discussing the curses that have already come into play: the ladybug, black cat, and fox.</p><p>“As you know, I am in possession of both the ladybug and fox miraculouses. Tikki and Trixx have informed me of how this impacted the curses: essentially, the black cat and ladybug are linked. Their curse is that at some point, for some reason, the black cat will kill ladybug and then themselves. That- That’s what happened with both Adrien and Luka.</p><p>“Fox holders are immortal. Essentially what this means is that each black cat will try to kill me and will eventually succeed, but I won’t die.”</p><p>“Fuck, Mari,” Chloe whispers, and Alya once again feels like an intruder as they hug each other tightly, tears rolling down their cheeks.</p><p>-------</p><p>Alya pulls Nino aside before she leaves. </p><p>“Nino, I know this is a bad time, but I just wanted to say…that I’m sorry, and I miss you. A lot.”</p><p>He stares at her, exhausted, and exhales loudly. “I missed you too, dudette. But it just doesn’t work that way sometimes.” He hugs her, quickly, then steps back. “It’s just too little, too late in this case.”</p><p>She fights to hide the trembling of her lip. “I had to be sure. And- Nino? I’m still sorry.”</p><p>-------</p><p>She makes it home, this time, just before it hits.</p><p>--it smells like earth and something darker--</p><p>--the air is stale, undisturbed, unmoving--</p><p>--she can see the walls clearer, this time, she reaches out to touch one but something grabs her hand before she has the chance--</p><p>--she looks at the white and black mask covering a man’s face, sees something similar in the walls, and barely has time to think of a skull before she blacks out--</p><p>She calls Marinette, leaves a message with details of the vision.</p><p>-------</p><p>“Alya, I need you to look into something for me.” Marinette is perched on her windowsill, in full costume, middle of the night, whispering.</p><p>“Anything,” Alya answers, the excitement she had once felt while chasing heroes as the Ladyblogger coursing through her. </p><p>“I think there’s something on the horizon, some kind of threat, but all the kwami know is that it’s not miraculous related. Will you look into it?”</p><p>No one has trusted Alya to report on anything for years, her teenage mistakes following her into adulthood, and she relishes the opportunity to prove herself as competent once more.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>-------</p><p>--she feels someone’s hot breath on her but the air is so incredibly stagnant--</p><p>--everything is still, she can’t hear anything except the sound of her own heart beating and she’s so alone--</p><p>--she can see all the tunnels laid out in front of her, the exit is so clear, but she doesn’t know how to move from her spot--</p><p>--the walls feel like they’re closing in on her, her chest feels tight, she can’t even scream--</p><p>She just texts Marinette this time, leaves a message with the briefest details, then goes to bed.</p><p>-------</p><p>She gets a text from Marinette, “Let’s catch up!”.</p><p>She shows up to the same old house they revealed their identities at and freezes when she sees Lila and Marinette waiting together. </p><p>She’s about to slink out the door, ignoring Lila’s hurt gaze, when Marinette notices her. “Alya, you made it- sorry about the short notice, but this was the first time Nino and Chloe were patrolling on their own and I thought it’d be fun.” She sees their hesitant gazes and tries to smile. “We haven’t trained together in forever, I thought it could be fun.”</p><p>Alya wants to say no but she sees Lila look at her, waiting for her reaction, and she realizes she can’t abandon another friend like she did Marinette years ago. “Feathers, rise!”</p><p>Marinette grins. “Trixx, let’s pounce!”</p><p>Lila looks happy. “Wings rise!”</p><p>“Alright, time to spar. Rules: no akumas, no looking into future, and I won’t touch the ladybug miraculous. Anything else is fair game!”</p><p>They spring into action, Lila activating super speed and using her wings to get up above them, Alya fans her tail feathers to create a shield and grabs a few sharp feathers to use as throwing knives, and Marinette creates a dozen illusions of herself. </p><p>They laugh together, and Alya feels just like she did when they trained together before they knew each other’s identities. Marinette and Lila look lighter, freer than they have in weeks, and she thinks everything could be alright. </p><p>-------</p><p>--she’s back there, now, she knows it’s the catacombs--</p><p>--the sound of silence follows her; the smell of rot deafens her--</p><p>--the man is walking towards her, laughing without making a sound, she feels it in her bones--</p><p>--she turns and sees a body, a fresh one, and she has the sinking feeling they’re one of her friends--</p><p>She wakes up next to her friends and decides to let them sleep. She writes down the vision in her notes and tells Marinette the next morning.</p><p>She pretends like the blurriness and dimness in her vision is due to it being nighttime. </p><p>-------</p><p>Alya is researching when she remembers the catacombs, she only has to search it once before dozens of articles pop up. </p><p>She skims the headlines, reading about how the Necromancer has been repeatedly spotted breaking into the Parisian catacombs and that no one knows what he’s doing; he’s been seen on tours terrorizing tourists and is said to ramble about death and finding Ladybug.</p><p>She’s read about him before, had been briefly looking into him, but didn’t have a reason to investigate further.</p><p>He claims to know the secret of the fox and Alya thinks she’s found their threat.</p><p>-------</p><p>She and Marinette are running together, patrolling, when she feels a terrible headache and blacks out.</p><p>--it’s dark, so dark--</p><p>--all she feels is the overwhelming claustrophobia of these tightly cramped halls--</p><p>--it’s so hard to breathe and she feels so desperately alone--</p><p>--she thinks she knows how to get out but it seems so far and her feet are rooted in place--</p><p>She breaks free, stepping forward, but everything is still dark. She spins, trying to figure out where the masked man must be, and shrieks when she feels someone grab her wrist. </p><p>“-lya, Alya, it’s me, Marinette, snap out of it!”</p><p>“Marinette?” She’s never been in one of Alya’s visions before. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I’ve been here the whole time, we were patrolling and you froze, I had to catch you. Did you have a vision?”</p><p>“I’m having a vision right now, Marinette, I just need to wake up, they don’t normally last this long though.”</p><p>“Alya, take a deep breath with me. You’re not physically in a vision. What are you seeing?”</p><p>Alya tries to open her eyes wider, looks around, clutches at Marinette’s arm.</p><p>“Nothing. I-I can’t see anything.”</p><p>-------</p><p>Here are the facts as Alya knows them:</p><p>Four months ago, she was approached by Ladybug and given the peacock miraculous. </p><p>Three months ago, she met another girl who was training to become the new butterfly holder and they were taught how to use their powers.</p><p>Two months ago, the black cat holder died and she was introduced to the other holders.</p><p>One month ago, she experienced her first vision and learned that she was cursed, doomed.</p><p>One week ago, she discovered the source of her visions, the Necromancer, and began investigating him.</p><p>One day ago, she experienced a blinding headache and lost all vision.</p><p>…She doesn’t know anything else.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Butterfly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trust isn’t some unthinkable, undefinable thing, it’s about finding someone who’s willing to put you first and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re worth something.</p><p>She certainly doesn’t deserve this chance, especially not from someone like Marinette, but she’s not going to squander a fresh start this time around.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the halfway point of the story! Comment and like to let me know what you think so far :) Just so you know, the italic portions are flashbacks to Lila's backstory and they're between big chunks where she talks to other characters. Sorry if it's confusing!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s kind of ironic, honestly, that Lila doesn’t know how to trust anybody.</p><p> </p><p>Believing in other people – really, truly having faith in someone else – is something natural, that is meant to be built upon as individuals grow. It’s a mix between an instinctive and learned behavior, as people are born with the capacity to trust and then they are given the opportunity to keep working on it the rest of their lives.</p><p> </p><p>She’s pretty sure she was born with the capacity to care, too, but she’s not sure where it went.</p><p> </p><p>If trust is a learned behavior, how quickly does it take for it to be completely and fundamentally unlearned?</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>“Did you hear about what happened to Alya?”</p><p> </p><p>Marinette is always so concerned, so good, and Lila swears she can feel undiluted compassion ooze from her recklessly. It’s too simple to see how much of herself Marinette gives over to others, expecting nothing in return; how much time and love and energy she dedicates to helping and following through on her obligations, and Lila knows that she is genuinely and unabashedly on her side.</p><p> </p><p>“I hadn’t,” Lila is quiet, always, afraid to draw attention to herself even now. “Is she alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“No- no, she’s not, she’s really, really not, and I don’t-” She’s rambling, too nervous for this, she’s visibly crumbling and Lila refuses to let her down.</p><p> </p><p>She reaches out to Marinette, puts a hand on her shoulder, then pulls her into a tight hug. She pulls her head towards her shoulder and doesn’t comment when she feels the younger girl let out a broken sob.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have your kwami and miraculous with you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Y-yes, I’ve got ‘em both, why?”</p><p> </p><p>“It might help you talk to me if you were transformed.” She keeps her voice clinical, face blank, even as Marinette pulls away in confusion and slight shock.</p><p> </p><p>“Trixx, let’s pounce!” Lila watches her take a moment to breathe once transformed, watches her stance solidify and expression clear. “I didn’t realize you had noticed that.”</p><p> </p><p>“That you still have trouble with your stutter when you’re not transformed?” Marinette nods, silently, eyes searching. “It’s hard not to notice. I worry about you; I try to take note of how you’re doing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lila, thank you.” Marinette pauses for a moment, letting the words sink in, and they smile at each other. “You’re kinder than you give yourself credit for, you know.” Lila watches Marinette still herself, using whatever strength the mask gives her to get through tough moments, and is content with the knowledge that Marinette cares more than anyone she’s known for a while. “I already told you about the curses, but Alya’s just set in and everyone’s pretty rattled. I don’t want to impose, I know you have bigger worries, but could you check in and see how everyone’s doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone?” Lila asks purposefully, trying to keep an accusatory tone out of her voice- it doesn’t do any good to chase Marinette off, not when she’s so fragile already.</p><p> </p><p>“Just Nino, Chloe, Alya. I’m- fine, no need to worry.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila just looks at her, unwilling to challenge her, refusing to force her to defend herself when she so clearly fights a million battles on their behalf each day--</p><p> </p><p>“No worries. Where should I start?”</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Everyone thought they knew her, and they might know a few details, some basic facts, but her childhood was a closely guarded secret.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>Lila’s mother was a diplomat, that was true, but what she didn’t tell people was that acting careful around people all the time meant her mother had nothing to spare when she came home.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>Her father would have her watch on tv, as her mother spoke at press conferences and shook hands with famous officials, giving out honeyed words and kind smiles and false promises as easy as she breathed, and Lila wanted to be just like her.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>After all, her mom’s whole job was basically to get people to listen to her, follow her, and Lila was certain she could learn the same tricks.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She would sit with her father while her mom worked long days and longer weeks, waiting for her to come home so they could be a family, and she didn’t know what it meant when her father shook his head when her mom told them she’d be home on time that night. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Her mother would get home an hour, two hours later most nights, and her father would confront her when they thought Lila was asleep and in bed- she never was, but if her mom was allowed to lie about little things too, why couldn’t she?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>They yelled and fought and she listened silently, neither listening to each other no matter how loud they got. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>They each wanted something and all she could think was that they’d be happy if they felt they had it. If she could give them their wildest dreams, domesticity and success and love, she would, no matter the cost.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She knew her mother lied, even as young as she was, it was part of her job, but her parents were never supposed to lie to her.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Her father tells her he’d be back in a few minutes, that he’s stepping out to buy something, and doesn’t return.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Her mother comes home a full day later and sees Lila, six years old and crying and hungry and alone and tells her that her father doesn’t matter anymore because he left them and was too much of a coward to say goodbye.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It’s almost worse, getting hurt, when you don’t see it coming.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>“I figured Marinette would’ve wanted to send Alya in to talk to me first,” Lila says quietly, non-confrontationally.</p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t work, of course, none of her clever ideas ever do. It might’ve, a while ago, but Lila’s spent a long time alone and lacks the same level of finesse with her ability to read people- Chloe has always been too brash and angry to respond to passivity.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to get this over with,” Chloe responds haughtily, throwing her ponytail over her shoulder. “It doesn’t even make sense we have to talk to you; like I’d ever trust you with my personal business.”</p><p> </p><p>“Marinette seems to believe in me,” Lila answers, carefully watching the subtle tic in Chloe’s forehead. “If you don’t have anything to say, I’ll let Marinette know. I’m just here to make sure you understand everything going on.”</p><p> </p><p>Chloe does not respond well to even a hint that she doesn’t comprehend her surroundings, but anger is the first real emotion Lila’s seen out of her ever and she takes it as a win. “I understand everything fine. Maybe you should take a look at yourself, since you clearly don’t understand that you’re not welcome here.”</p><p> </p><p>It should sting, the clear dismissal, but Lila is an expert in avoiding personal connections- after all, if she doesn’t let anyone in, no one has the room to attack her. “How do you feel about Alya?”</p><p> </p><p>“I know my feelings are clear. I don’t trust her, or you, and I think Mari’s crazy for letting either of you even touch a miraculous after the shit you pulled when we were kids.” It’s tiring, trying to wade through Chloe’s constant tirade of bitterness and dislike, but Lila has to give her credit for wearing her heart on her sleeve. “It’s a bummer her eyes are screwed but we’re all cursed at this point. She should be thankful that’s all she got saddled with.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila eyes her critically, watching her fingers subtlety pull at her skirt and fidget. “Good to hear. What’s your damage, then?”</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me?” Chloe practically snarls, hands now braced against the chair like she’s ready to attack at any moment. Lila notes the bee miraculous tucked carefully into her hair. She seems more aggressive than normal whenever she touches it.</p><p> </p><p>“You heard me,” Lila knows the best way to disarm her enemies is to meet them on their own turf. She can be blunt; she can be anything others want her to be. “What’s your curse like? If Alya got off lucky?”</p><p> </p><p>“Did Mari not tell you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I believe she didn’t want to betray your confidence.” Chloe looks smug, a little self-assured, and Lila thinks the answer is clear as day. “Telling me would help convince me you’re fine, which will help Marinette as well. Do you want her to worry about you more than she already does?”</p><p> </p><p>Chloe’s face falls a little, frowning, and leans towards Lila. “She pushes herself too hard as is. She shouldn’t be worrying about any of us.”<br/><br/></p><p>“I agree,” Lila tries to smile carefully, not too overwhelming, as she leans in too. “I can’t help her until I know all the crosses she tries to bear.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mari told me the bee is…Well, it’s hard to explain.”</p><p> </p><p>“Try me,” Lila responds.</p><p> </p><p>“She basically said that the bee wielder is pretty reliant on building family and that I was destined to be alone. Romantically, that is.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila blinks. Chloe looks down, uncharacteristically nervous, before glancing back up, practically challenging Lila to say something about it.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s harsh,” is all Lila can come up with.</p><p> </p><p>Chloe snorts, kicking her feet up. “Tell me about it. Especially coming from Mari, it- well, never mind now. It is what it is.”</p><p> </p><p>For all her posturing, all her anger and diplomatic training and walls, Chloe is still a damaged person and Lila knows how to read her. It’s clear that Chloe’s hurt, that her curse is cutting deeper than she’s willing to accept, but Lila can’t be the one to call her on it- it’d just increase their distance and distrust.</p><p> </p><p>If Lila confronted her with her suspicion – hardly a suspicion if she’s almost certain she’s right – that Marinette was the one that Chloe was interested in, she’d be alienating her for good and distancing herself from the group.</p><p> </p><p>There’s only one thing she can say.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll tell Marinette you’re fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Chloe looks almost soft for a moment and Lila wants to reach out, make sure she’s okay, but then the moment passes – too quickly, everyone always moves on without her before she has a chance to ask them to stay – and Chloe stands. “I’ll see you around, Rossi.”</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She’s used to things being unstable, chaotic, with her mom being gone half the time for her job, but her father’s always been there to balance it out.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Now it’s just the two of them and her mother is getting vicious and won’t stay still long enough to talk to her. </em>
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</p><p>
  <em>Every school is a new start and her mother tells her to start working on her people skills, to not become a good for nothing like her father is.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>She watches her mother sidle up to politicians, winning them over with sly smiles and things whispered in their ears and sometimes more behind closed doors, and she thinks that she can do it too if she really tries.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>So she goes to these new schools, all blending together and meaningless now, and focuses not on building friendships or learning material, but on the only thing that really matters in the world- bending others to her will.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>The most important thing, her mother tells her, is to think of every interaction as a game of chess and to remember that everyone is playing, even if they seem genuine.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>She gets caught, once, a year into moving almost monthly, because she got too invested in a girl that she thought she could stay friends with and decided to disclose the whole truth to, and her mother hisses in her ear that she’ll never bail her out again.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>Lila learns the lesson clearly: she can’t trust her peers to not betray her and she can’t rely on her family to protect her.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>She’s been on her own for a while now, and closing it all off feels easier than ever.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>“How are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>Alya snorts, eyes pointed towards the ground, hands clutching the armrests of her chair. “How the hell do you think I’m doing?”</p><p> </p><p>Lila raises an eyebrow, then schools her face. She can show whatever visual cues she wants, in this interview, but taking advantage of that feels wrong somehow. “Fair enough. Is there anything you do want to talk about?”</p><p> </p><p>Alya is more similar to Chloe than she’d ever admit. They channel their strength of will, their anger at the world, their sheer defiance of others into different things, using their talents in reporting and politics and a million other things, but their cores are similar.</p><p> </p><p>Today, though, Alya doesn’t look like she feels strong.</p><p> </p><p>“Not particularly.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m pretty sure Marinette won’t believe me if I tell her you’re fine and have nothing to talk about.”</p><p> </p><p>“Make something up. If I remember correctly, you’re pretty good at that.”</p><p> </p><p>That- hurts, a bit more than Lila would like, but she’s not willing to show it. “Fair enough. How do you feel about the new patrol schedule?”</p><p> </p><p>It had been a bit controversial, Marinette had mentioned, to put Alya on it after she had lost her vision, but they both had refused to budge no matter how much Nino and Chloe had argued.</p><p> </p><p>Alya bristles but her eyes don’t lift from her lap. “Fine. Why, do you have an issue with it too?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Lila says softly. “I was just wondering what you thought about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Chloe and Nino both refused to go out with me. Marinette backed me up regardless. I didn’t deserve that but she did it anyways. There’s nothing more to it.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila sighs. “Fair enou-”</p><p> </p><p>“I swear to God, Lila Rossi, if you say that one more time, I’m going to beat you up, blind or not.” Alya interrupts, hands moving to rest on her lap, twisting anxiously. Her eyes have shifted up to meet Lila’s for the first time since she lost her sight, and Lila is pleased to see the determination in them, no matter how unfocused they seem.</p><p> </p><p>There might be something to work with here, after all. “Good intentions or not, they tried to exclude you and wouldn’t listen to what you have to say. They won’t patrol with me either. I don’t think they want to be on a team with either of us, which is unfair and unproductive, no matter how justified.”</p><p> </p><p>Alya shifts, each movement filled with tension. “We’re on the schedule more than them, we work on training more. You and I have more to prove, I think, more work to do, but they should have to work for it too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I agree with you,” Lila smiles, almost genuinely this time. After Marinette, she probably comes closest to trusting Alya. They had worked together, fought together, been brought into the miraculous together under their Guardian’s supervision, and she’s determined to maintain this relationship. At the very least, they’re both united against Chloe and Nino to the extent where Lila is doubtful Alya would betray her. “You and I are making up for letting Marinette down, sure, but they’ve both hurt her too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly,” Alya grins. “I may be adjusting to losing my sight but I remember things, I didn’t lose anything I can’t adjust to. I didn’t forget everything they did to her. Chloe bullied her, for whatever reason, and Nino betrayed her just as quickly as I did when you came around. Neither of us had history with her, a reason to protect her, but they both threw it away for the chance to hang out with someone new.”</p><p> </p><p>“One more thing,” Lila wants to be precise here, careful, but she’s not sure that Alya will appreciate any method other than direct. “You’re a reporter. I know Marinette trusts all four of us in different ways, Nino as an advisor and Chloe as a friend and me as a confidante, but she asked you to look into something for her, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Alya looks back down, hands twisting. “How did you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Lucky guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“She asked me to look into this guy called ‘The Necromancer’. I did some other searching into her secrets, too, with the black cats and her time being missing.”</p><p> </p><p>“What did you find?” Lila whispers. Marinette promised to clear the house, Lila knows she wouldn’t lie, she values their trust and privacy too much, but instinct takes over more often than not.</p><p> </p><p>Alya looks up, eyes reaching for the ceiling as she tilts her head and takes a breath. “The Necromancer is real bad news. Worse than Hawkmoth, even. He’s been searching the catacombs for something and I think he’s after Marinette. Something to do with the fox miraculous and death, but she hasn’t told me the specifics of how that works. Makes sense that he’s after immortality though, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Lila breathes. This is more than she was expecting- she doesn’t want Marinette to be in danger. “He’s who a lot of your visions were about, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. He’s a lot scarier than I was prepared for, and I don’t understand what all he’s doing either. The kwami seem scared of him, though, Mari too, and if Tikki and Plagg and nervous to talk about someone that’s enough for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright,” Lila whispers, thinking. If the two most powerful creatures in the universe are avoiding someone, it’s got to be something terrifying. She clears her throat to keep going. “What about the other stuff?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah,” Alya intones. “You know, for all of their dislike of us, I don’t think Chloe and Nino have even asked Marinette about all that?”</p><p> </p><p>“I figured.” Chloe and Nino clearly care about Marinette, consider the three of them like a family unit, but they haven’t really figured out how to accommodate Marinette’s bad moments. Lila thinks it’s juvenile, the way they keep skating around her issues, but she and Alya are there to make up for their deficits.</p><p> </p><p>“Best as I can tell, Marinette was alone for about two and a half months before Adrien went missing too. I assume that’s when he found her.”</p><p> </p><p>“Logical guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Alya snorts and Lila feels relieved they can still relax into the easy friendship they had built while it was just them and Marinette, training together. “Thanks. I think that’s when a lot of her more reserved traits developed, and I think something probably happened to make her hyper vigilant. I mean, no one puts themselves on the patrol schedule every night when they’re the one making it, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not ideal.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s concerning, is what it is.” Alya sighs, subdued, and Lila takes a long, loud deep breath to match her energy. “Both the black cats have gone missing, Adrien and Luka, and they both tried to kill themselves and her in one fell swoop- part of the Ladybug and Black Cat curses. She only survived because of the Fox’s immortality. It seems that that’s where a lot of her trust issues come from.”</p><p> </p><p>“I knew about the cats, and I’m inclined to agree with you about the rest.” Lila doesn’t want to contribute too much, scared to break Alya’s flow, but she feels a sinking feeling in her gut as she thinks about how much Marinette went through alone.</p><p> </p><p>“Personally, though, I think there’s something else going on. Have you noticed that Marinette seems super blocked off, all the time, but especially when transformed? And she almost never talks about anything personal while her kwami is there.” Alya runs a hand over her face, fingering her miraculous, and takes a deep breath. “I don’t trust the Tikki or Wayzz, and you shouldn’t either.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila touches her fingers lightly to her brooch, always on her shirt, and can feel Nooroo napping in her pocket. He’s exhausted, feels like he betrayed the others, and she doesn’t quite trust him, but she feels kinship with him.</p><p> </p><p>As much as she knows the kwami are ancient, beyond her, a liability to her own safety, it’s hard not to want to trust an authority figure.</p><p> </p><p>She’s clearly capable of lying, though, so why wouldn’t her kwami counterpart be?</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She’s fifteen when she moves to Paris and joins a class that’s just a little different than the others. </em>
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</p><p>
  <em>It’s hard to pinpoint what it is, exactly; after all, each class is unique in its own right.</em>
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</p><p>
  <em>There’s a supervillain, sure, but more importantly, most of the people in it are already living the lives she would normally brag about. </em>
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</p><p>
  <em>This might leave a lesser liar destitute, but she is resourceful and takes a day to analyze the class before heading in. They seem like a unit, but each one has a weak link and in this case it’s the most popular girl in the class who the others are jealous of: Marinette Dupain-Cheng.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It’s almost too easy to turn them against her.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Is it really her fault for the damage dealt if they rushed into it quicker than she was prepared for, if they were even more eager than she could’ve hoped for? How could she be blamed for ruining a life if the others were just as willing to do her dirty work?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Then Marinette goes missing and there’s a lot more scrutiny. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Her begrudging and weak alliance with Hawkmoth is revealed and she slowly loses everything.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Her mother loses her job, is blamed for not knowing what was going on in her own house, and retaliates by disowning her only daughter and telling her to get lost.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>So Lila does.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>“I know why I’m here, Lila, no need for pretenses.”</p><p> </p><p>Nino sits across from her, calmly. He’s different than both Chloe and Alya, a little more guarded, a lot more calculated, and almost certainly more informed. He is not her friend, there’s not even room for them to try and bond or relate to each other, and Lila thinks this is borderline useless.</p><p> </p><p>“Great,” she begins, leaning back and folding her hands in her lap. “I assume you’ve spoken to Chloe, then, which means you’ve got a good idea of what comes next and that you have to talk a little, otherwise Marinette will worry.”</p><p> </p><p>He winces slightly and glares at her. “The dudette worries way more than she needs to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you appreciate that she worries?” Too much, too soon, maybe, but Lila is hopeful it’ll pay off.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, jeez, it’s hard not to be grateful that someone cares about you, ya know? That doesn’t mean I want her losing her mind over it all. She’s way too invested in this business, she needs to remember to take breaks.”</p><p> </p><p>“You think she should be less invested as a Guardian?”</p><p> </p><p>That was definitely too much. Nino shifts visibly and Lila studies him as he tries to secretly move his hand to his pocket, where she guesses Wayzz sits.</p><p> </p><p>“The Guardian’s job is very important. She can’t do her job if she doesn’t take care of herself.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila smiles at him. “Have you noticed you speak differently whenever someone asks you about the miraculous?”</p><p> </p><p>Nino glares at her. “I just talk however I want. I don’t quite read into things like you seem to.” He definitely doesn’t trust her.</p><p> </p><p>She leans forward, chin resting on her hand. “I don’t think that’s true. You strike me as someone honest, and I don’t understand why you’d lie about this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I’m not.”</p><p> </p><p>They meet each other’s eyes, unblinking, and Lila sits back in her chair. “Maybe.” She pauses, giving him a moment to relax. She watches him take his hand off his pocket and then she resumes pressing him for information. “What do you think of the patrol schedule?”</p><p> </p><p>He frowns at her, but it’s more natural now. “Alya shouldn’t be on it.”</p><p> </p><p>There it is. “You don’t trust her?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s not ready. She just went through all that, her curse and all, she doesn’t need to be thrown into the thick of things like that.” He adjusts his cap, twisting it around so the brim is in the front and casts a shadow over her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re worried about her.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I am.”</p><p> </p><p>“Does she know that?”</p><p> </p><p>He looks away, rolls his neck, before meeting her eyes again. He’s hiding something, or from something, but Lila isn’t sure what it is. “Doubtful. We’re not quite on the best of terms, I’m sure you can imagine. Doesn’t mean I don’t care.”</p><p> </p><p>“Understandable.” Lila pauses again, trying to decide how to proceed. “How do you feel about Marinette on it?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m happy that she’s not patrolling alone anymore. That was bad. She came back wrecked most days, especially after the whole news with the Fox miraculous came out. I thought- well, it doesn’t matter now.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila thinks she knows without him saying it- Marinette is greatly changed from how they all had known her years ago and none of them know for certain the lengths she’d be willing to go to test a claim like immortality.  Whenever she sees the haunted look in her eyes, the exhaustion whenever they talk about their lives, Lila thinks she might have an idea.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s still patrolling every night, still,” Lila offers and Nino sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re reporting back to her on these little sessions, right?” Lila nods. “Feel free to tell her she can take time off and we won’t judge her. She’s more than earned it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Noted.” Lila hesitates, unsure of how to move forward once more. “She’ll want to hear about your curse, too.”</p><p> </p><p>Nino stares at her. “She already knows about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not your feelings on it.”</p><p> </p><p>He grins at her. “I doubt there’s a lot that gets past her these days, dudette’s pretty sharp even if she doesn’t showcase it. Anyway, it’s fine. Pretty similar to hers, actually, just a lot less permanent.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?”</p><p> </p><p>“She didn’t tell you what the different curses were?” Lila shakes her head. “Interesting. I wonder what’s she doing, having you interrogate us all, then. Doesn’t really matter though. I just age slow.”</p><p> </p><p>“You age slow?” Lila can tell the answer is right in front of her, but it’s hard to connect the dots.</p><p> </p><p>“Marinette and Wayzz tell me Fu – the past Guardian – was a few thousand years old. I’ll age really, really slow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” She repeats, head slightly airy. “Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup,” he draws out the word, popping the end of the word, and smiles at her. “It’s about duty and sacrifice though, you know? I’m happy to do my part to help the greater good, or whatever.”</p><p> </p><p>If Alya and Chloe were most similar, then Nino and Marinette were equally connected. They’re both intelligent, more dedicated than warranted, and smarter than they’ll admit. She knows they’re both good at hiding it, Nino refusing to take things seriously and Marinette constantly pushing her kindness to the forefront rather than her intelligence, but she’s also fairly certain they hold almost all the cards in whatever situation they’re in.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever secrets the miraculous hold are almost certainly guarded by these two.</p><p> </p><p>Lila wonders who she’s most similar to.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for chatting, Nino,” Lila feels like she’s whispering, she keeps getting quieter, but Nino nods her way all the same.</p><p> </p><p>“No problem. And, Lila? I don’t hate you, even if you think I do.”</p><p> </p><p>He walks out and she wonders if he likes her, or the person she’s trying to force herself to be in order to be accepted by the group.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She leaves, the class not caring what happens to her, but she’s known for a while now that she’s the only person who could ever put herself first. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It’s human nature, after all, she really doesn’t blame any of them. She’d have done the same. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>All the same, she’s barely eighteen and all on her own and it feels unfair that no one cares.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Until someone does- arguably, the person with the most right to not give her a second glance.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Marinette Dupain-Cheng forces her way back into her life, gives her a place to stay and hot meals and kind words.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She can’t figure out what her motivation is.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She considers telling someone she knows where the missing girl is, has been staying with her half the time, but decides that no one deserves to know what happened to either of them. She’s pretty sure most people from that class don’t really care anymore, either.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She withdraws when Marinette tries to show her the miraculous, offers her the fox once again, and stops staying with her. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Chat Noir shows up, she doesn’t know who he is, and watches as the two stay together. She can tell something’s wrong with it all, he’s just a little off, but she knows now that Marinette found someone else the good will must have run out.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>When she continues to seek her out, brings her whatever meager offerings of stolen food and foraged scraps she has, Lila is forced to accept that she might care.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She watches her recruit more wielders, the bee and the turtle, and Lila is again resigned to the idea that Marinette has moved on without her- she missed her chance.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Then, Marinette shows up with another miraculous, one broken and tormented and rejected, and this time Lila accepts.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>“How is everyone?”</p><p> </p><p>Lila studies her closely. Marinette is a lot of incredible things, and stupid is certainly not one of them. “I don’t know why you had me speak to everyone. I doubt I found anything you didn’t already know.”</p><p> </p><p>“That wasn’t the point. I- I, well, wanted you to get the chance to talk to everyone. Make them all sit down and listen to what you have to say, who you’ve become.” Lila stares, unblinking. Marinette always gives her more than she deserves and she never knows how to return the favor. “Just tell me what you can.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” Lila sighs. She never wins against Marinette, not really, and she’s sick of trying anyways. “They’re upset about the curses, obviously, but they’re pretty resigned to them. They weren’t really willing to talk about them a bunch- I think they’re still working through everything. Everyone’s worried about Alya, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anything else?”</p><p> </p><p>Lila almost misses the days before Marinette had learned to be deceptive and cunning, before something had caused her to be so jaded that not even the master of all liars can tell what she’s really thinking. She was there, secretly, on the edges of Marinette’s life since she went missing and knows what happened, but she lacked the awareness to stop and help her when she needed it.</p><p> </p><p>“They don’t blame you, if that’s what you’re asking.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t-”</p><p> </p><p>Lila holds out her hand, reaching out to Marinette. “They are worried about you.”</p><p> </p><p>Marinette scoffs. “They shouldn’t be. I can take care of myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila frowns at her. The others get a carefully manipulated blank slate, but Marinette deserves to know what Lila really thinks. “I worry about you. You told me about my curse, remember? I know what you’re feeling- what all of you are feeling.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lila-” Marinette’s face is worn, her voice pleading.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so empty, Marinette.” Lila watches Marinette draw in a sharp breath, moving back, but she can handle a rough confrontation or two if it means protecting the only person left in her life who cares. “Chloe thinks you’re breaking yourself down while trying to look out for each of us. Nino thinks you patrol too much and are burning out. Alya thinks there’s some kwami wide conspiracy that’s tearing you apart.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila moves to sit next to Marinette. The seats are singles but the two girls are bonded deeply these days and Lila thinks she could use the no strings attached contact.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you’ve bitten off more than you can chew and regret it, but you’re so committed to making up for some wrong that wasn’t even your fault that you’re trying to ruin yourself to atone.”</p><p> </p><p>Lila hugs Marinette, holds her closely and tries to sync their breathing, slowing it down.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you see Luka and Adrien every time you close your eyes and won’t stop visiting their ghosts because you think they want you to suffer but I know they don’t, and I know you won’t stop helping us and taking care of us because you think our curses are your fault even though you had no idea this could even happen to us.”</p><p> </p><p>They’re just holding each other, now, and Lila can almost feel every emotion Marinette’s forced under the surface for the past few years since she got her miraculous and then became a Guardian. The depth of it all is almost overwhelming.</p><p> </p><p>“And I know the idea of living forever terrifies you, because you’ve gone through more pain in the past year alone than the rest of us have seen in our entire lives, and you don’t know how you’ll go it alone once we’re gone.”</p><p> </p><p>Marinette sobs, deep and guttural, and Lila strokes her hair. The others don’t have to trust her, don’t have to befriend her, because she’s not there for them.</p><p> </p><p>She’s here for the girl who never attacked her back as she tried to destroy her life, who kept her fed while she herself had nothing, who checked up on her and gave her a place to stay after everyone else had dismissed her.</p><p> </p><p>The butterfly’s curse is to absorb the emotions of those around her, to be constantly subject to feeling them until she can’t separate others from herself, and the most noble thing she can think of is to give it all up to protect Marinette as long as she can.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>Lila doesn’t trust most people. They haven’t earned it.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone’s left her, for different reasons- her father thought she wasn’t enough to stay for, her mother never cared, her friends used her.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t have the time to invest in others, they’ve nothing to earn it, and she’s learned that believing in the good of others will leave her lost and alone.</p><p> </p><p>If she can learn that people aren’t worth trusting, though, she still has the potential to learn the opposite. It’s hard to unlearn something that deeply ingrained, for sure, but she’s nothing if not adaptable.</p><p> </p><p>Lila’s not certain, but she thinks she might have an idea of how to trust someone, now, when Marinette calls her and asks her how she’s doing, just to catch up, when Marinette comes by with fresh pastries and tells her she wanted her to have the first bite of an experimental new recipe, when Marinette tells her she believes in redemption and giving everyone a second chance to prove themselves.</p><p> </p><p>Trust isn’t some unthinkable, undefinable thing, it’s about finding someone who’s willing to put you first and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re worth something.</p><p> </p><p>She certainly doesn’t deserve this chance, especially not from someone like Marinette, but she’s not going to squander a fresh start this time around.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Bee</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Marinette had seen her in all her worst moments – as a bully, a manipulator, a bystander – and had chosen her despite it. Chloe had shown her all the worst parts of herself, the flaws and distrust and rage left over from her childhood, and Marinette had chosen her anyway.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i struggled a bit with figuring out what i wanted for this chapter, but hopefully it all worked out.</p><p>action scenes aren't really something i like to write and i have trouble with remembering physical blocking of characters</p><p>anyways, plz leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chloe was raised to be a politician, a tool in her parent’s games. This had always been made clear to her.</p><p>Her life was meant for other people: her parents used her as a PR piece rather than treating her as a little girl. They told her to keep her feelings quiet, addressed only as an underhanded motivation, to trick people into thinking they wanted her own goals without her even saying it.</p><p>She had never been quite good enough at this. She was always a little too blunt, a bit too abrasive, but she still knew how to leverage power and guard herself.</p><p>If any of their lessons stuck, though, it was that she could only rely on herself to push herself through life. Everyone was fundamentally in it for themselves, it was a fact of human nature, and so she had to be the one who leaves first, who pushes people away so they can’t use her for themselves. </p><p>And then she met Marinette Dupain-Cheng.</p><p>Loving her was as easy as breathing.</p><p>Chloe should know- she’d loved her for over a year now and had been obsessed even longer.</p><p>She was just, so good. So much better than Chloe thought she could ever be, could ever deserve – what kind of person throws their entire life away to protect the people around her – and she’s accepted this.</p><p>It still hurts, though, when Chloe watches Marinette dedicate her time to other people – helping Alya adjust to their home, trying to convince Lila to move in, discussing the miraculous with Nino – but she knows she wouldn’t be the same lovable girl if she wasn’t looking out for everyone all the time.</p><p>But sometimes, Marinette gives so much of herself to others that Chloe worries she’ll have nothing left for herself, and she’s determined to use every ounce of rich-girl energy she’s honed to make sure her favorite leader gets some necessary self-care.</p><p>Loving someone was easy, Chloe knows this, but making the choice to build upon that, to develop a friendship and stick up for someone you care about, even if you get nothing in return? That’s what was difficult.</p><p>And so, Chloe would take what she could get, because she knew her role wasn’t to be the center of the team- it was as a staunch supporter to her fearless leader and trusted Guardian.</p><p>-------</p><p>When Marinette and Chloe patrol together, they fly.</p><p>It’s the best night of her week, hands down, and she makes the most of it every time.</p><p>The patrols always feel a little meaningless – Chloe isn’t sure what threat they’re looking out for; it seems more like a purposeful social outing more than anything else – but Marinette can get so busy that Chloe cherishes every moment.</p><p>She knows if she asked Marinette to spend more time with her, she would, but she can’t put more pressure on the poor girl- she already completely lacks self-preservation to the extent where she decided to put herself on the patrol every single night, and Chloe refuses to add to that.</p><p>Chloe grew up under intense scrutiny, a type of heavy, cold lack of love – love that showed her how empty emotion could be – that taught her to be intensely independent and deeply distrustful of those around her.</p><p>She recognizes the same feeling in Marinette’s eyes, sometimes, when she thinks no one’s looking, and it’s heartbreaking.</p><p>But these moments? When they’re both weightless, free beneath the dark night sky and going fast enough it feels like nothing can ever catch them? Chloe lives for these moments.</p><p>She flares her wings, crystalline and lovely, and accelerates to catch up with Marinette, moving fast with her own harshly patterned wings, and grabs her hand in the air, grinning wildly.</p><p>-------</p><p>Later that same night, Chloe snuggles up next to Marinette on her bed and she feels oddly at peace.</p><p>She knows that when they all got new beds – courtesy of Luka’s attempt to be the adult of the house –  Marinette had elected to continue vacillating between sleeping on the couch in the communal space or spending the nights curled up on the roof, and so Chloe offers up her own queen-sized – of course – bed whenever possible. </p><p>Chloe cares about Marinette more than she could ever show and she didn’t know what to do about it; if there was even anything that could be done.</p><p>It had been made clear many times that even in Marinette returned the feeling, she wasn’t in a position where she’d be able to do anything about it: Chloe would forever have to resign herself to being one of Marinette’s best friends.</p><p>She can hear her friend breathing evenly, awake despite the late hour, and Chloe fights back a wave of concern for her unhealthy habits.</p><p>“Hey, Mari,” Chloe whispers, lifting her head and rolling away from where she had been pressed up against Marinette’s back, allowing the girl to move. “Thank you for picking me again. Giving me a second chance at this hero thing, I mean.”</p><p>She watches the other girl look at her, face blank, and Chloe tries not to let herself visibly react with concern. It’s a lost cause, though, Chloe has always worn her heart on her sleeve. “You don’t mean that, Chlo. I- I ruined things for you, for all of you.”</p><p>Chloe shakes her head. “You didn’t ruin anything for me.”</p><p>“I’m the one who cursed-” Marinette starts, but Chloe won’t have a moment of it.</p><p>“No, you didn’t. The kwami did. I love Pollen, I really do, but it’s her fault and hers alone. I didn’t know about any curses, neither did you, and it’s not either of our faults. It’s just unfortunate.”</p><p>They breathe deeply, in unison, facing each other, and then smile groggily together. </p><p>“Chloe?” Marinette says, leaning forward so close their noses touch. “You don’t have to thank me for choosing you. It wasn’t a matter of picking my favorite person or best friend at the time. I just…you were the right person for the job. You’re a hero, to your core, and I trusted you to do what’s right and be there for the people.”</p><p>They pause, silent for a moment. “I still am thankful, Mari. You’re a good person. I know there’s a million others that you’ve known, that you could trust, have trusted; but you picked me first, anger and bitterness and all, and that matters to me.”</p><p>“Look,” Marinette begins, closing her eyes and resting their foreheads together. “You’re caustic, sure, but it’s one of your strengths. Every part of this team is vital and you’re one of the core members- the longest lasting one, in fact, besides me. You don’t let people bury themselves in shame, you call things like they are, and you make sure everyone stays honest. You are…so important to me.”</p><p>It was a bit unfair of Marinette to drop something like that, then roll back over and fall asleep, but Chloe just tried to be thankful she was finally getting some rest.</p><p>Marinette had seen her in all her worst moments – as a bully, a manipulator, a bystander – and had chosen her despite it. Chloe had shown her all the worst parts of herself, the flaws and distrust and rage left over from her childhood, and Marinette had chosen her anyway.</p><p>Even if Chloe wanted more than friendship, even though she wanted to tell Marinette how she really felt, she knew she couldn’t do it.</p><p>She wouldn’t let herself be that selfish.</p><p>For once, she’d have to settle for what she had and put someone before herself. </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>Two nights later, they’re not alone anymore.</p><p>It’s the night where Nino joins them and Chloe can’t help but feel disappointed at the lack of closeness.</p><p>The three of them have become a strong unit in their own right, an unstoppable force of inspiration and protection and strength, and it’s easy to fall into a comfortable dynamic.</p><p>It’s even easier to pretend like there’s not an uncomfortable gap whenever the three wait for a fourth to respond, chime in with a witty quip or bad pun, and Chloe laughs to fill the silence.</p><p>She doesn’t know how to acknowledge the pain, the longing she feels, but she’s determined to not let her loved ones feel the same pain.</p><p>Chloe flies above the two, wings extended as she glides alongside them, but Marinette stays grounded whenever Nino joins them- most likely so he won’t feel left behind or excluded.</p><p>It feels abnormally safe, if not crowded, in this group of three, and Chloe closes her eyes, rolling so her back faces them and her face is to the night sky, breathing in the clear, quiet air.</p><p>Her guard is down and it almost takes her too long to react to Marinette’s sudden shriek.</p><p>When she finally hears it, everything is happening too fast.</p><p>She spins in the air, turning back to her friends, and sees Nino struggling to hold onto Marinette’s arm as the ground beneath her seems to be consuming her- it’s illogical, Chloe knows, but the earth is claiming her, pulling her into the abyss that’s opened up, and Nino can’t seem to gain purchase—</p><p>She gasps, or tries to, her breath is strangely quick. “Mari,” she breathes, and her closest friend looks up at her, tears in her eyes. Nino doesn’t even spare a glance.</p><p>“Pillar!” Nino shouts, his voice rough and strained, but Chloe can already see that even with his increased strength it’s not going to be enough. Whatever is pulling on Marinette has its own gravity and all he’s going to do is hurt her. </p><p>He doesn’t stop trying. Marinette is gripping his arm just as tightly, but she’s slipping anyways and Chloe can see the unabashed pain on her face and there’s not enough time to decide what to do—</p><p>She dives towards them, wings out, and grabs onto Marinette, latching onto her friend’s back and planting her feet on the ground, trying to pull them both up.</p><p>It’s not helping though-- She can’t see a thing— “Sting,” she yells, lighting up the area, not taking the time to warn her teammates and incapacitating their sight as well as whoever is pulling on Marinette, but she can still see perfectly well—</p><p>And it’s not the earth, at all. </p><p>It’s a stranger, a guy about their age, if not a bit older, and he’s got a firm grip on Marinette and he’s tugging her into the catacombs.</p><p>He’s wearing some kind of textured glove, letting him grip her leg, and Chloe can see blood seeping where he’s ripped her suit and that shouldn’t be possible, but it’s happening, and—</p><p>They’re not going to win while Marinette is out of it, panicking, blinded by the bee’s power, and Chloe needs to make a choice.</p><p>“Nino,” she says firmly, clearly. “Go get help- Alya’ll know what to do, she knows this guy-”</p><p>He looks at her like she’s crazy, sweat beading on his forward and his arms shaking with effort. “Chlo, there’s not time for that!”</p><p>She shakes her head at them and doubles back onto holding Marinette, arms tight around her friend, stopping her wings from pitifully flapping—</p><p>“He’s taking her into the earth, the catacombs.” She can see the moment it dawns in his eyes.</p><p>He lets go of Marinette once and for all, suddenly, and the two drop like stones into the ground. She can hear footsteps above them, faintly for a moment, and then they’re all alone. </p><p>She looks up into the dark, can vaguely see this man in front of her in the flickering firelight, and steels herself.</p><p>Time to meet the Necromancer.</p><p>-------</p><p>She wakes up to a lit room, detransformed and tied to a chair.</p><p>Marinette sits across from her in a similar state, groggy but awake, and Chloe opens her mouth only to taste a spit-soaked gag biting into her lips.</p><p>It tastes disgusting.</p><p>She snarls, ignoring Marinette’s panicked look, and shrieks as loudly as she can despite the handicap. It’s a wordless yell, raw and bitter, and interrupted sporadically whenever Chloe has to catch her breath.</p><p>Their captor finally walks in – Chloe can see him clearly now, he has dark hair and would almost be handsome if not for his sunken eyes – and she spits as far as she can.</p><p>He glances at the ground, unimpressed, and crosses over to her first, pulling off her gag.</p><p>“Buzz on,” Chloe yells without missing a beat, and stares down with confusion when the transformation doesn’t take hold. “What the-”</p><p>The man holds up her comb, Marinette’s earrings, and the two exchange a cautious look. He doesn’t know Marinette holds two miraculous.</p><p>He walks over to Marinette, loosening her own gag, ignoring Chloe as she continues to spout expletives at his back, the leans back against the wall, studying them both. Marinette stares right back at him, silent, but Chloe doesn’t have the patience for this game of cat and mouse.</p><p>“Who are you? Why did you take us? How did you know to take our-” These questions don’t matter, she knows they don’t, but she can’t handle this silence.</p><p>He frowns at her, breaking his staring contest with Marinette, and sniffs affectedly. “I would’ve thought you would know the answers to those questions.” He looks her up and down, trapped in the chair, and sighs. “You weren’t really on my list, though, so I shouldn’t be surprised you’re a bit out of it.”</p><p>She gasps and glares at him. Whatever pretentiousness he exudes and efforts to make himself seem dignified, she’s fairly certain he wasn’t born into money: no one from high society would level an insult that bluntly.</p><p>Chloe beats her fists against the chair, kicking her feet, glaring at him, but he just turns away and pulls something out of his pocket. She sees it’s a mask, black and white combined to create an image of a gaunt skull, and she recoils when he places it on Marinette’s stiff face.</p><p>“Hey, what are you doing with that-” She starts, protective over her friend and her clear panic – besides, now she can’t even try to communicate silently through glances, she wonders if that was his plan – but he stops her before she can even get the thought out. </p><p>“More questions, really?” He mutters to himself, then runs a hand through his hair and visibly steels himself. “I suppose we’ve all got to get acquainted, now, and I should try to be more accommodating to people I’m trying to have a discussion with.”</p><p>“Have a discussion? You kidnapped us, you bastard-” Chloe growls, voice low, and his eyes snap to hers in anger.</p><p>“Let’s not curse.” His voice has lost all lilt, all humor, and it’s just achingly cold. </p><p>Chloe’s jaw drops and it’s all she can do to nod silently. Marinette is perfectly still across the room and Chloe’s not sure how much she can hear or participate behind the mask, so she’s determined to prove she can take control of this conversation. </p><p>He jumps back in before she gets the chance. “I am the Necromancer, but you may call me Alex if it’s more palatable.” Chloe watches Marinette twitch at this, but she doesn’t get the significance. “I think it’s fairly clear why I ‘took you’, to use your own wording. I want your Guardian, her insight to some questions I’ve been looking into.”</p><p>“You want to learn more about the miraculous?” Chloe asks, slowly, frowning at him.</p><p>He shakes his hand impatiently. “Nothing quite so simple. I want to know the secrets of a specific miraculous god, find their power, and ideally access it for myself. I want to ascend.” His voice turns lighter, dreamy, and Chloe fights the urge to roll her eyes.</p><p>“You’re pretentious, man,” she mutters, smirking when she hears Marinette’s answering snort.</p><p>“E-excuse me!” He says, stalking towards her, and Chloe laughs at him. She stops when he abruptly changes course, doubling back to step next to Marinette, and grabs the back of her head, yanking her head back so she’d be looking at the ceiling if the mask wasn’t there.</p><p>Chloe hears her gasp, surprised and a little hurt, and she wants to tear his throat out.</p><p>“I am nothing of the sort,” he snarls, grip tight in Marinette’s hair, “You just lack vision. You and your friends fight off villains, play together each night, but you never delve deeper into the powers you’ve been given. Others would kill for the opportunity that’s been wasted on you.”</p><p>She bristles, glaring at him. “You have no idea the reality of the miraculous, it’s not all boundless power and fun nights-”</p><p>“You’re talking about the curses, I assume?” She falls silent, finally eyeing him quietly, and he smiles at the ground. “I’m well aware. You’re the bee- loveless, alone, longing for someone to choose you-”</p><p>“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her breath wants to come fast; she wants to feel panic, but she pushes it down. She can’t show her opposition an ounce of weakness.</p><p>“-but what I’m interested in how little Miss Ladybug here escaped her curse. It’s fairly well documented what happens with her, the black cats have lived up to their part and I do believe the peacock has already experienced her curse, but I don’t understand how she’s still around. I was hoping she’d have some insight, but she seems more interested in being quiet.”</p><p>Marinette gasps and jolts in his grasp. “You want to be immortal.” Her voice is final, layered, and his eyes go wide.</p><p>“No, I didn’t say that, Miss, you must have misunderstood. I simply long to become better, stronger, something more.”</p><p>Chloe grins. Making fun of this guy is something she can do. “Seems like a pretty basic desire to me, just covered up with a lot of fancy talk. Why didn’t you want us to know what you wanted?”</p><p>He’s at a loss for words, shaking slightly, and his hand twists in Marinette’s hair. “I-I- don’t owe you anything.” </p><p>Chloe glares at him, opening her mouth, but Marinette jumps in first. “Yes. Yes, you do.” Her voice is flat but harsh, grating and uncomfortable. “You want me to make you immortal? Explain to me why you think you deserve it.”</p><p>He glares down at her. “I-”</p><p>“Stop,” Marinette says, voice brutally cold. Chloe grew up with parents in the spotlight, has heard every tone of emotion, from concealed anger to false kindness to seething rage, but she still can’t place Marinette’s frigid tone. </p><p>“Do you even know what immortality means? It’s a life without end. Any end. It’s not a one and done deal, it’s not something you can undo. It means accepting some level of responsibility and duty for what happens around you, to preserve those who have so much less life than you, and to know you’ll be trapped with it all long after those who care about you are gone.”</p><p>All Chloe can do is stare at Marinette- she knows her friend had been unhappy with the prospect of immortality, but she had hoped it was getting better. She doesn’t dare interject now.</p><p>“Do you even have anyone you care about, Alex?” Marinette’s voice has lost its cold front, all Chloe can hear is sadness and some kind of desperation.</p><p>He stalks out of the room, taking the mask with him, and Chloe rakes her eyes over Marinette’s face, her eyes red and cheeks wet with tears.</p><p>They grin, wearily at one another, and Marinette breathes deeply. Her next words at quiet, uncertain. “I’m glad you’re okay, Chlo.”</p><p>Chloe forces a grin, not letting up until she sees Marinette’s face brighten a bit. “Same to you, Mari.”</p><p>-------</p><p>It takes less than a full day for their team to find them.</p><p>It takes less than half an hour for them to defeat the Necromancer.</p><p>He brings the bones surrounding them to life, building makeshift skeletons and disposable monsters, but he’s out of his league. </p><p>Nino bends the earth around them, grown past his size in his anger, and he forces the unyielding earth to subject itself to his whims as he throws it at their enemy.</p><p>Alya’s hands glow, her eyes shining in a kaleidoscope of colors as she yells out the Necromancer’s moves seconds before he makes them, helping her teammates move in smooth choreography around her.</p><p>Lila flits between Chloe and Marinette, incredibly fast, freeing them and checking over their wounds – both girls are sporting matching rope burns and exhaustion – and doing her best to heal what she can.</p><p>They’re a force, the five of them, and it’s all over the moment Chloe gets her comb back.</p><p>“Buzz on,” she says, voice level and emotionless. “Honey comb,” she intones, her weapon morphing into a short sword, and she stalks towards the Necromancer. “Hey, Alex,” she purrs, voice low. “Got any other requests from the miraculous team?”</p><p>She presses the point of it towards his chest, his breath falling shallowly, and grins at the fear on his face. It feels good to control him to this degree and she revels in it for just a moment, drinking it in, before Marinette intervenes.</p><p>“Chlo, you shouldn’t be the one to do that,” Marinette says breathlessly, rushing towards him and grabbing his arm tightly. “You wanted to become immortal, still?”</p><p>He smiles at her, wistfully, and nods. “More than anything.”</p><p>“Okay,” Marinette whispers and she grabs onto his shoulder firmly. “So be it.”</p><p>Chloe watches, confused, sees Nino whip towards her, hands out but unable to focus while protecting them from the encroaching skeleton army—</p><p>Marinette moves quickly. “Trixx, let’s pounce!” She cries, transforming in the blink of an eye, and it’s all Chloe can do to keep up. “Verity! You want to know my secret to being around forever?”</p><p>He sways, the reanimated bones falling down around him suddenly, and he grins sleepily. “Yes.”</p><p>“What do you want from immortality?”</p><p>“Hey, dudette, I don’t think you’re in the right frame of mind for this-” Nino begins, attention on them now that the main threat is gone. </p><p>“Yeah girl, I can’t see this ending well.” Alya jumps in, and Chloe bristles.</p><p>Lila has to add her piece as well and she can barely stand it. “Marinette, you’re freaking out. I wouldn’t do anything rash until you have all that under control.”</p><p>Chloe steps between them and Marinette. “What Mari says goes.”</p><p>It doesn’t matter, though, because he’s already answering. “I don’t need to do anything or be anything amazing- I just want to watch it all unfold.”</p><p>Marinette smiles serenely at him and Chloe feels her heartbeat spike. Her friend looks inhuman, otherworldly for a moment. </p><p>Her grip on his shoulder tightens. “Requiem,” her voice is almost silent and yet they all flinch, taking a step back. </p><p>The Necromancer – Alex, Chloe thinks briefly – falls to the ground and Lila rushes to his side, grabbing his wrist, before glancing up at Marinette.</p><p>The butterfly’s eyes are haunting. “He doesn’t have a pulse.”</p><p>Chloe’s eyes flicker in pure surprise towards her friend, wings suddenly spread and ready to fly, and she pushes down her panic response.</p><p>They all stand there for a moment more, the room quiet, and Chloe watches Marinette’s body tense as she glances behind her. </p><p>Then, the moment breaks and they begin their escape. </p><p>-------</p><p>Chloe is forever loyal to Marinette – she won’t accept anything else from herself – but she needs to know.</p><p>“Mari…why did you have to kill him?”</p><p>Her friend’s eyes flick up to her, slow, and Chloe decides the answer doesn’t matter, but Marinette still answers anyways. </p><p>“No one else was going to…and he wanted to die.” Her tone is solemn, definite, but Chloe still doesn’t understand the logic.</p><p>“I thought he wanted to become immortal?” She asks, leaning against her friend, arm around her shoulders.</p><p>Marinette exudes exhaustion from every bone in her body and Chloe aches for her. </p><p>“He wanted knowledge. I’ve given him that. And no one wants immortality, not really.” Her voice creaks on the last word and Chloe holds her tight as she breathes deep. “I don’t want to be alone forever, you know. I feel like I deserve something more.”</p><p>“Mari-” </p><p>She doesn’t finish. “Immortality and death are the same, in a way. They’re two eventualities, two functions of time that no one can conceptualize.” Marinette looks her closely in the eye and Chloe fights the urge to glance down at her mouth. “A moment can last a lifetime and your life is an eternity for you. You’re immortal within the context of your mind, and your death will last forever.”</p><p>Chloe watches Marinette, trying to read into the deep, collecting breaths and eye bags and excessive patrolling, the frequent looks over her shoulder, but doesn’t know how to make a snap judgement when Marinette won’t spell it out for her.</p><p>Marinette glares at her, some kind of challenge in her eyes, but Chloe only responds with a sad look. “I showed him the reality of the world. He’ll exist forever now, just without the pain of it all. I gave him a gift.”</p><p>“Oh, Mari,” Chloe whispers, burying her head in Marinette’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry you had to do it alone.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Turtle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Even if the dead follow her, even if she’s haunted by the ghosts of their pasts; it’s not the same as having a real, living, breathing person by her side. She’ll effectively be left alone for the rest of time and Nino has no idea how to come to terms with that.</p><p>He can’t help but feel like it’s his fault for leaving her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hopefully the format of this makes sense? it's basically nino and marinette speaking in italics (one ongoing conversation that's been broken up) while snapshots of their life happen</p><p>enjoy and please comment and leave kudos if you enjoy it!</p><p>this fic is almost over but the angst isn't done yet haha</p><p>have a lovely day</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“We need to talk.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Like hell. There’s nothing to discuss.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I think we both know that’s not true.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh yeah? Want to tell me more about what I’m feeling?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>Marinette calls him and Chloe to talk, and he doesn’t think anything of it till he sees Alya sitting next to her.</p><p> </p><p>She tells them that Chloe only has the capacity to fall in love once, forever; that she’ll crave a great romance but will find herself forever lacking- a horrible kind of tragedy for the girl that was never taught how to let others in.</p><p> </p><p>Alya tells them how she herself is cursed to be bombarded with visions for the rest of her life, slowly growing blind and exhausted till she dies. Nino feels his heart ache for his ex-girlfriend – ex-best friend, really, which kind of makes it worse – as tears roll down her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>Then Marinette turns to him and he steels himself, placing a hand on Wayzz: he always feels calmer, more cemented when touching his kwami- there’s some kind of controlling effect taking place, he knows, but it works too well to stop.</p><p> </p><p>He’s going to grow old slowly – at a turtle’s pace, he thinks to himself – and he’ll find himself indebted to stay with the miraculous, much like the former Guardian, till he finally dies.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks the curses are well matched to their recipients: Chloe is being punished for her lifelong struggle to be vulnerable; Alya is losing one of her most important resources as a reporter; Lila is going to lose her autonomy and ability to think for herself.</p><p> </p><p>Adrien and Luka suffered due to their close bonds with others and desire to help others, which strikes him as deeply unfair to target them for attempting to be selfless.</p><p> </p><p>The turtle has to be someone who puts the team before themselves, who wants to dedicate themselves as a protector, and Nino has thrown himself into this role: he won’t ever back down from his responsibility, his duty to help others, and now he’ll find no escape till he dies.</p><p> </p><p>He attempts to steel himself for the unknown.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“If I think you need it, sure. You know I’m always here to help you.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“…Nino…”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“What would you like to start with? How you’re alone? How everyone who loves you is going to die at some point? How even I’m going to die one day?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Nino.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>The thing about immortality – or having something close to it – is that no one really thinks of how much it hurts to watch the people you love grow old.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes it’s hard to think about what he’s really fighting for when the people he cares about are all dropping around him.</p><p> </p><p>Adrien and Luka died before it all even really began; they never had a chance to come to terms with the miraculous or their curses, to even try and fight it, to make a choice. With their subsequent difficulties with new recruitment and fighting the Necromancer, the group is forced to move on quickly and the black cats are essentially forgotten.</p><p> </p><p>Lila is next and no one is ready for it. To some degree, the remaining group had been naively hoping they’d make it to their old age together, to go peacefully, but Nino thinks they all know it was a pipe dream. She falls in battle, carrying out orders, tricked into helping and healing a fallen civilian who turned out to be a villain in disguise. It’s almost ironic that she died due to a lie.</p><p> </p><p>Chloe dies in battle, a blaze of glory befitting their strongest fighter. She takes a hit for Marinette, lacking the time to try and block the blow or say goodbye, and she’s gone by the time the fight is over and they come back to her- they don’t get the chance to say goodbye either. Nino thinks it was foolish of her to try to save someone who was immortal and a waste of a life, but death seems to be going around.</p><p> </p><p>Alya dies an old lady, haunted by visions and terrified of the world around her. Nino and Marinette try to help, ease her suffering, but all she sees is the horror the future holds. She tries to warn them, whispering about visions of haunting and desolation and a deep, crushing loneliness, but Marinette brushes it off and helps her pass in peace.</p><p> </p><p>Nino suspects Marinette already knows her fate.</p><p> </p><p>He’ll be next, someday, the last of the original group.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes he wants it to happen now.</p><p> </p><p>But Marinette doesn’t have the same luxury, and he’s willing to stick it out as long as he can to give her at least a little more time before she’s desperately, unavoidably, alone.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Marinette. You know I’m right.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Even so, I’m never going to say it.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I suppose you wouldn’t- you’re good at knowing when you’ve done wrong, but you’ve never figured out how to deal with it afterwards.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Who are you to tell me the right way to handle my problems?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>--------</p><p> </p><p>Only a few decades pass before the kwami tell them to build a new team when a new threat is on the horizon and they listen.</p><p> </p><p>Nino and Marinette were always the ones most beholden to the whims of the gods, after all; it’s worked out well that they’re the last ones left.</p><p> </p><p>They collect promising candidates – a restless young girl becomes the black cat; a prickly, angry boy becomes the bee; a broken and wounded kid becomes the butterfly; a bright, inquisitive teen becomes the peacock – and only teach them one power, not letting them get close enough with the kwami to be hurt.</p><p> </p><p>These heroes are a bright spot in the dull monotony of their lives and for a long moment, everything feels like it’ll be alright- the six of them are a powerful team and learn how to work well together. Nino thinks it helps both him and Marinette to become mentors to a younger generation.</p><p> </p><p>Fighting enemies of the miraculous takes them all over the planet and their power becomes legendary- everyone in the world knows who they are now, praises them as heroes. It all feels worthwhile for a moment, like they have a real purpose.</p><p> </p><p>They all die horrible deaths, regardless; these new recruits are not experienced enough to win.</p><p> </p><p>The kwami tell them they should’ve listened, should’ve fully trained them, that they should just follow orders and not ask questions in the future.</p><p> </p><p>Nino and Marinette cry, sobbing uncontrollably as they go to each of the children’s funerals – because that’s what they were, children – and apologize directly to the families, who throw them out in anger.</p><p> </p><p>It’s only fair- they both know it’s their faults these great heroes died too soon.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Don’t try and bullshit me like that. We both know I’m the only one left who can tell you what to do.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh yeah?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m the only one left, period.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Yikes, man.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, following his duty feels unattainable.</p><p> </p><p>All he ever wanted was to be with his family, fall in love, follow his dream of being an artist and DJ, and now he’s been trapped with some kind of inescapable destiny and he all feels now is this deep, aching pain and –</p><p> </p><p>And he leaves.</p><p> </p><p>Just walks out on Marinette, leaves his kwami behind, while she’s out foraging for supplies for the newest abandoned building they’re squatting in.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t even leave a note. It’s the most selfish thing he’s ever done.</p><p> </p><p>It feels like he’s gone forever – he certainly didn’t keep track of the time, drowning himself in feelings and alcohol and people – before he looks in the mirror one day and sees he’s aged. The baby fat is finally gone, his jaw becoming defined, stubbles growing in, but he still doesn’t even look his age.</p><p> </p><p>He’s probably well into his hundreds, maybe two hundred by now, but he barely looks 30.</p><p> </p><p>By any rate, he’s left Marinette far too long without even a word, and the crushing return of duty hits him so hard he can barely stand it- even with his miraculous miles away, on another continent, he can feel Wayzz’s influence down to his bones.</p><p> </p><p>He follows the news of some terrifying threat being matched by an invulnerable and incomparable foxbug hero and finds her in America. Alone.</p><p> </p><p>It’s all he can do to apologize with everything he’s got, and it breaks his heart when she just looks back at him and says it’s okay; she’s prepared for everyone to leave at some point, she understands.</p><p> </p><p>He hugs her tight, ignoring the glances from those around them as he holds a girl who looks more than a decade younger than him, and promises her he’ll never leave again.</p><p> </p><p>He watches her look blankly into the distance when she thinks he isn’t watching, seeing something that isn’t there, and can see the sadness on her face visibly grow into something visceral and painful. He worries the years of loneliness took more of a toll than he thought.</p><p> </p><p>There’s nothing to say when she laughs weakly and tells him eventually, he won’t have a choice but to go.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Uh, sorry- you’ve got the kwami, too?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Heh. Nice recovery.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“They don’t look out for you like I do, though.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“…No. They don’t.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>The next big villain – there’s always a villain, they’re finding out – arrives nearly two centuries after that in Athens.</p><p> </p><p>She has snakes for hair and carries a sword and shield that turns people to stone and flowers bloom where she steps and she tells them society has progressed too far while not progressing far enough.</p><p> </p><p>They watch her guard and protect women, offer them safety under the moonlight and guide them from awful partners, work to create true love and community for them, and it’s hard to see a reason to hate her.</p><p> </p><p>She calls herself a hero, Pantheon, and Nino thinks she looks the part. Marinette just laughs when she claims she communes with the gods- this girl has no idea how terribly real gods can be.</p><p> </p><p>The kwami tell them she can’t be allowed to continue; her reach will grow throughout the world and has the momentum to derail the path it’s supposed to take.</p><p> </p><p>It feels like this will lead them in the wrong direction, but Nino is resigned to his duty now- he knows what happens when he doesn’t trust the kwami.</p><p> </p><p>He and Marinette clash with this new opponent and she offers to save them both when she sees the kwami – she can at least recognize real gods when she sees them – but it’s not enough.</p><p> </p><p>This new player tells them she has become a goddess, transcended the limitations that lead them to conflict and division and rage, and that she’s building a utopia for everyone, a place free from death and sickness. It sounds too good to be true.</p><p> </p><p>Whether it is or not doesn’t matter. They never get the chance to find out, because Marinette drives Pantheon’s own sword through her throat to silence her the moment she mentions providing the masses with immortality.</p><p> </p><p>The world doesn’t thank them anymore, when they save it, and they continue on aimlessly, waiting for the next big threat to arrive- it’ll come eventually; inescapably.</p><p> </p><p>These days, everything seems inevitable.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m here for you now. I won’t always be- I can’t always be there. That’s what we need to talk about.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m aware, and I don’t want to discuss it.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Marinette, I-” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Just stop, okay? No matter what you say, you don’t know what it’s going to be like or what I’m going through- I can get through it by myself.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>Nino looks like he’s middle-aged and Marinette is still a fresh-faced 18-year old.</p><p> </p><p>Even if she’s centuries older than everyone around them – has seen unspeakable horrors and endured unimaginable exhaustion – people can’t see past her round face and small stature.</p><p> </p><p>They’re forced to tone down their public closeness derived from centuries of friendship, their indescribable bond, in an attempt to avoid attracting any unnecessary attention, and Nino begins posing as her father.</p><p> </p><p>Years and years of living have allowed them to amass a fortune, a network, and they don’t have to try and find shelter in broken down buildings anymore.</p><p> </p><p>It would almost feel special, but the pair are just too exhausted to care. Nothing feels exciting once you’ve seen all there is to offer, more than once, and they’re both tired of empty gestures.</p><p> </p><p>He asks her, one day, what will happen when he dies – surely if anyone knows, it’s the holder of the fox miraculous, bridge between living and the dead – and she calmly tells him he’ll be with her until he’s ready to move on.</p><p> </p><p>He shifts anxiously, says that that was the plan since he wasn’t planning to leave again, but what will happen after –</p><p> </p><p>She just smiles, twisted and broken like she always seems to be now, and offers that life and death offer similar tragedies.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks of all the moments he sees her stare into space, glance over her shoulder, the way she shakes every time she takes a life, and thinks it must be terrifying to be surrounded with death but unable to touch it.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Sometimes it does.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“No, it doesn’t, it absolutely doesn’t. There’s always people here, who look out for you, who are willing to love and care for you if you’ll let them.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“No one that’s alive does. You won’t soon.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>Nino has become an old man and he grows weary of fights.</p><p> </p><p>When new villains arrive, Marinette takes them on alone, an absolute machine as she effortlessly combines the fox and ladybug miraculous to become a juggernaut on a battlefield, but it’s still not always enough.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t have anyone to protect her anymore, except for the few times Nino musters up the energy to accompany her out – even then, he’s not much help.</p><p> </p><p>With the kwami’s help, he slowly convinces her that recruiting just one person to help out is essential towards protecting the greater good.</p><p> </p><p>They choose a young upstart, angry at the world and unsatisfied with her situation, and gift her the bee miraculous.</p><p> </p><p>Marinette meticulously trains her in a single power, how to build and warp materials to create something new, and Nino goes behind her back to train the fresh blood in sting and hive- it hardly matters if he curses her and dooms her to a life alone, it’ll be over in the blink of an eye for him.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks it’s almost too easy to convince this naïve young girl to follow them into a battlefield and he cannot bring himself to regret it.</p><p> </p><p>It’s simple to decide that individuals don’t matter in the grand scheme of things when he’s lived longer than this little bee could ever fathom, and he suddenly realizes it’s good that Marinette is the one who will live forever.</p><p> </p><p>He watches this new bee make the same mistakes Chloe – barely a distant memory for him at this point, an idea of a past life lived by someone who was idealistic and hopeful that life could mean something good – once did, falling in love with Marinette and becoming too brash and rageful—</p><p> </p><p>She dies, bravely, and it deserves to be special but it’s diving in front of Marinette, someone who’s brutally and uncompromisingly immortal, and Nino can’t help but feel like it’s a meaningless waste of a life.</p><p> </p><p>It all feels meaningless.</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“…Do you know how long I have left?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Barely anything. Hours.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t want to go until I know that you’ll be alright.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll manage.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>He’s dying of old age, he’s easily past one thousand years old but it’s hard to count after a point, and all he can do is think of his mistakes.</p><p> </p><p>There’s been countless bad guys to beat, civilians to protect, and he’s been a hero for a lot of it- tried to be one, at the very least. It’s undeniable that he helped the world.</p><p> </p><p>But his transgressions against Marinette are countless and now he’s going to be gone soon and he still doesn’t know what’s coming next; it barely matters though because she’s the one who’s going to be left alone and he knows she’s never going to reach out to anyone else, recruit anyone else, that it’ll just be her and these cruel kwami forever—</p><p> </p><p>Even if the dead follow her, even if she’s haunted by the ghosts of their pasts; it’s not the same as having a real, living, breathing person by her side. She’ll effectively be left alone for the rest of time and Nino has no idea how to come to terms with that.</p><p> </p><p>He can’t help but feel like it’s his fault for leaving her.</p><p> </p><p>He reaches out to her, frail and trembling, and musters the strength to force the words out.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to talk.”</p><p> </p><p>-------</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Marinette. Dudette. I need to make sure you’ll be okay.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m fine, don’t worry. What’s going to happen is inevitable, and it’s okay.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“This isn’t fair- you shouldn’t have to do this alone.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“…I know.”</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Fox</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Creation was a lie, but she knows Tikki will never apologize for it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>a longer chapter note will be at the end with some thoughts about this chapter!</p><p>sorry this is a little shorter than the rest of the story- i didn't want to stretch out more than what felt natural for Marinette</p><p>enjoy and i hope y'all are having a fantastic day!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Humanity dies piece by piece, little by little, and ghosts trail every step Marinette takes.</p><p>There are a few rare moments where she doesn’t see them, manages to evade their gaze, but she feels the heavy weight of their loss, anger, rage. Her own guilt pins her down.</p><p>She forces them to move on before the world is gone, sets off on a mission to help them find peace, and succeeds slowly- she is still the Guardian, even if there’s nothing really to guard, and she’ll protect those in need as much as she’s able.</p><p>The half dozen heroes she’s recruited in poor judgement – unfixable mistakes and tragedies, each one of them, she wishes she could go back and save them – and countless more villains she’s brought down without a second thought all need a place to go. </p><p>Pantheon deserves to move on, too- Marinette wasn’t just in what she did to them, eons ago. All this hero wanted to do was to help others, to build a utopia, and Marinette lashed out in a fit of panic. Even if the kwami did tell her to do it – something she’s not sure of, the years have washed away most memories except the ones laced with pain and regret – following orders isn’t an excuse to commit unspeakable acts.</p><p>Even the Necromancer deserved better than the curse she levied at him thoughtlessly. She had no right to play god, to decide that if the kwami’s could sentence her to immortality that she could do the same to others, and its finally time to try and right what wrongs she can.</p><p>She pushes them through the doors to the next world, a thing she can see but never grasp, and tries to keep moving past the pain of the inaccessible. </p><p>She’s haunted by the knowledge that those left can always see her, watch her struggle, even if she can’t see them.</p><p>It’s a perfect revenge for all those she’s hurt beyond repair, past apology.</p><p>There’s nothing to do, at this point, but watch as what’s left of the world slowly destroy themselves and the kwami with them.</p><p>Marinette takes the time to say goodbye.</p><p>-------</p><p>The first thing humanity abandons is their foresight, ability to see where their dark path takes them, and Dusuu begins to fade.</p><p>She summons Alya, her ghost shimmering with uncertainty, and thanks her for standing by her and putting herself second to help Marinette’s cause.</p><p>When Dusuu is completely gone, Alya moves on with her and Marinette loses her friend for good. </p><p>Alya is finally free and she runs smiling to the afterlife to meet her family, never looking back. </p><p>The people don’t look back either- they sprint ahead to their doom, drunk on thoughtless pride and blind innovation to the point where they can’t tell right from wrong. She wishes they’d slow down, but they never listen to her anyways. She’ll let them make their mistakes.</p><p>Marinette trudges onward, one ghost lighter.</p><p>-------</p><p>Next, humanity sacrifices their empathy and they lose all love for those around them. </p><p>Nooroo tells Marinette the moment it starts and so she has the time to bring Lila to her, to apologize for everything she did and thank Lila for striving to be a better person. </p><p>She commends the butterfly for her compassion and how she managed to transform into someone amazing before she was gone, and Lila tells her she only wishes she could stay with Marinette as a ghost forever.</p><p>In an attempt to find a middle ground between staying and leaving, her good friend – her loyal butterfly – attempts to pull Marinette through the door alongside her, but Lila passes through by herself without even noticing that Marinette cannot follow. She won’t be able to return. </p><p>It’s okay; it’s not the first time Marinette has tried to pass through these doors.</p><p>She’ll never be able to move on.</p><p>Marinette smiles through the pain when Lila leaves her- it would be selfish to make her stay and Marinette doesn’t think she has the right to demand anything of her holders- she never did, really.</p><p>It’ll be easier for mankind to be destroyed when they only care about themselves.</p><p>-------</p><p>Relationships between people are quickly thrown aside next and for the first time since Marinette’s met her, Pollen looks weak and uncertain.</p><p>She summons Chloe and her ghost is as loud and proud as ever, even as she’s about to leave.</p><p>Marinette reaches out – whether to hug her or just say goodbye, she isn’t sure – and Chloe holds her back, for a moment, but ultimately brushes her off and disappears.</p><p>Chloe’s not excited to see what awaits in the afterlife beyond this half-existence as a ghost, to leave the love of her life behind, but she can’t stay here, trapped and never loved the way she wants, any longer.</p><p>She needs her existence to end and it’s the one thing Marinette could never fault her for.</p><p>Marinette tries to understand, but this one last slight from someone she’d considered one of her closest friends hurts more than she’d care to admit.</p><p>Once again, she’s gone without saying goodbye.</p><p>Without any loyalty left, humanity crumbles faster than ever and Marinette wishes she could feel herself going with it.</p><p>She can’t tell if it’s easier or not to be alone at this point.</p><p>-------</p><p>Almost everyone is dead and the history – the wisdom of the world – is gone.</p><p>Humanity is past redemption, but now they’ve lost even the possibility to learn from their mistakes.</p><p>Wayzz tries to appear with Nino but Nino pushes forward on his own, leaving his kwami behind to die alone. </p><p>He’s pushed past the influence the turtle has exerted on him for centuries and Marinette feels proud of him- he’s stronger than she ever was.</p><p>Marinette knows this one will hurt the worst, but Nino has a family to find again and deserves peace from his long existence just as much as she does. Even if it hurts, even if he’ll see right through it, she’ll put on a brave face for him this one last time and wish him well.</p><p>They meet each other running and Marinette cries into Nino’s shoulder, letting herself be vulnerable with her closest friend- she’s the only person left, at this point, there’s no one left to look to her as an example or pillar of strength, and she’s always been weak—</p><p>But Nino has to leave eventually and now she doesn’t even have someone to guide her through this endless hell.</p><p>-------</p><p>She’s content, almost, with the knowledge that destruction and death are constants – she wonders if this comfort she finds in suffering, the familiarity and relief, is evidence that her own humanity is fading too – and so Plagg and Trixx will remain with her always.</p><p>What was the point of her becoming a Guardian, of her being forced to undergo such a horrible curse and enduring so much pain, if the very things she was meant to guard died out anyways? The people and the kwami are all gone now, but she’s still trapped here.</p><p>Tikki once promised her that she would be supported, that her kwami wouldn’t let her go adrift, but it was all a means to an end- all these gods ever did was use her.</p><p>In the end, she still made every sacrifice and gave everything to her duty, and she’s been left behind to suffer while the kwami get to rest.</p><p>Creation was a lie, but she knows Tikki will never apologize for it.</p><p>Adrien and Luka have been waiting for her and she’s scared to see them, but she’s scared of a lot of painful things and she pushes through those regardless.</p><p>She tells them she can send them off, free them from whatever punishment they’ve inflicted on themselves to follow her endlessly for trying to kill her, and she thinks it’s the only way to repay them for loving her so recklessly.</p><p>Luka thanks her for the adventure and leaves – finally going to see his mother and sister, he was never meant to endure these hardships with her – but Adrien holds on tight to her.</p><p>The doors close forever and she and Adrien are the only ones left on the other side. </p><p>He’s missed his chance, wrecked it, and he’ll be trapped with her for the end of the world. There’s no way he won’t regret it but it’s too late for second guessing now.</p><p>She’s broken down and hungry on an empty rock and he follows her restlessly, both hopeless and resigned to their fates.</p><p>They’re both forever 18 and lovely and she’s happy she’s at least reunited with her kitty in the end.</p><p>They’d both hurt each other, once upon an unimaginably long time ago, but they also understand one another better than anyone for a while and have stayed this close for a reason.</p><p>She kisses his cheek and holds his hand, thanks him for staying with her – they’re a match made in hell, even now, and they’ll live through this hell together now, forever – and they take a moment to rest.</p><p>They sit together in companionable silence. The world is silent with them.</p><p>She would think it’s a horrible tragedy that she’s the last living human left, but she can hardly be considered alive at this point. She hasn’t been for a long time.</p><p>They’ve long gone mad now, but she’ll still never be able to die.</p><p>-------</p><p>Everything has died and so Creation has no purpose. </p><p>Tikki fades.</p><p>And all that’s left is Marinette and a ghost.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so...this is the last real chapter, the next one will be up in a few days and it's basically just some world-building that i outlined before starting so i could keep powers/curses straight that i wanted to post cause it wraps things up kinda nicely?</p><p>sad endings suck sometimes and this is no exception</p><p>i outlined this story at the start of quarantine, when a few things that had been building and getting bad for a while all of a sudden got really bad and felt inescapable- just really awful and scary, and i think this kinda reflects how much i really wanted someone to be there for me, but that i also didn't feel like there was a solution? i felt very trapped is the point lol and didn't know how to get out of it</p><p>anyways, the point of this note is that even though this story has a really dark ending and plot, real life isn't like it and there is always a silver lining and way to escape bad things- people aren't inherently trapped in their circumstances, they're not 'cursed' so to speak</p><p>i hope this leaves it on a bit of a lighter note!! and i hope y'all enjoyed this! it's kind of my first ever fanfic so i really hope it turned out okay haha</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Tikki</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tikki had always believed that there was something deeply – horribly, intrinsically - tragic about the heroes she took on, those that she watched hopelessly, desperately try to protect those they loved- only for them to suffer too. She had lived for thousands of years and she was just now realizing that she couldn’t save even one hero.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tikki had always believed that there was something deeply – horribly, intrinsically - tragic about the heroes she took on, those that she watched hopelessly, desperately try to protect those they loved- only for them to suffer too. She had lived for thousands of years and she would never stop believing she could save her chosen.</p><p>Each kwami believed their own side effects were both the worst and best – Trixx refused to even let one of their holders get close to developing symptoms. Each of their chosen would eventually develop certain powers, features, behaviors regardless of their transformation. They all had different opinions on how much they’d disclose to their holders about the consequences of their power, but the results were always the same.</p><p>-------</p><p>First, the chosen had to begin developing and expanding their powers inside their suits.</p><p>Ladybugs create. Their powers are lucky charm, allowing them to harness good luck to create any object to turn the tide of their battle; miraculous ladybug, allowing them to restore any damage done by another miraculous; and charisma, allowing them to become incredibly persuasive for those around them for a short time. They are meant to lead, inspire, and protect their allies.</p><p>Black cats destroy. Their powers are cataclysm, allowing them to destroy anything they touch in whatever way they want; catalyst, allowing them to channel bad luck towards another individual of their choosing; and catastrophe, allowing them to create a massive, unregulated explosion. They are meant to be on the offensive, leading any fight they’re in.</p><p>Peacocks see. Their powers are eyes open, allowing them to see five minutes into the future; kaleidoscope, allowing them to create blinding lights to distract and temporarily blind their enemies; and fan feathers, allowing them to extend their tail feathers to act as a personal shield, and to take feathers off to act as knives. They are meant to tactically support their allies but rarely engage directly in combat.</p><p>Butterflies feel. Their powers are akuma, allowing them to create a champion with unique powers to join a fight in their place; cocoon, allowing them to take an injured ally and heal them; and take flight, allowing them to increase their agility and speed significantly. They are meant to assist from far away but are too weak to directly participate in a fight themselves.</p><p>Bees build. Their powers are sting, allowing them to hit one person with an incapacitating light and paralyzing them; honey comb, allowing them to shape their staff into whatever weapon or item they want; and hive, allowing them to become a queen bee and temporarily control the actions of those around them. They are meant to be support, with a versatile range of powers to fill in depending on the situation.</p><p>Turtles think. Their powers are shelter, allowing them to create an impregnable shield of varying sizes; terra, allowing them to briefly take control of earth and water; and pillar, allowing them to grow in size and become incredibly strong. They are meant to be on the defensive, primarily protecting their allies from a distance. </p><p>Foxes move. Their powers are mirage, allowing them to create realistic illusions; verity, allowing them to force those around them to tell solely the truth; and requiem, allowing them to summon and speak to the dead. They are meant to strategize and oversee fights, helping them to detect incoming threats.</p><p>-------</p><p>Second, the chosen would begin developing animal characteristics and behaviors in their human forms.</p><p>Ladybugs have freckles – tiny dots all over, like spots – all over their skin, and hard red wings to fly with. They have an obsession with sweet, sugary foods, and an affinity for gardening and flowers. </p><p>Black cats develop increased body hair, fangs and claws, and slit pupils that help them see in the dark. They solely like meat, with a strong preference towards animals they catch themselves, and are extremely agile and quick.</p><p>Peacocks have beautiful, colorful – blue, gold, red – eyes, and grow bright tail feathers on the base of their spine that they can display to ward off threats when frightened. Though they’ll eat anything, they prefer small fruit – like berries – and insects, and are deeply possessive of their territory, whether people or land. </p><p>Butterflies are covered with beautiful markings – like tattoos – centered on their torso and face, and have thin, delicate, papery wings they can use to fly. They enjoy fruit and sugary food, and like gardening and nature.</p><p>Bees grow thin hair all over their bodies, and short, strong wings to fly with. They love sweet food and flowers, and enjoy building things and crafting.</p><p>Turtles form webbed toes and fingers, and thicker, more durable – armorlike – skin, and can retract their head into their torso as defense. They like to eat insects and fish, and they love to swim.</p><p>Foxes develop pointier ears, fangs and claws, and are extremely lithe. They’ll eat anything, but they prefer small mammals – rabbits or raccoons – and are naturally solitary and hyper intelligent.</p><p>-------</p><p>Third and finally, the chosen would become cursed.<br/>Ladybugs were often the best and brightest of all the chosen- brilliantly powerful and tactical, a spectacular leader. They would lead their team, with the black cat by their side, fighting for whatever their current cause was and rallying their spirit, helping to keep their hope alive. Unfortunately, they always – always – burned too bright. Their battle would be most important to them, and they’d start to fail their teammates, unable to support those around them. Eventually, their faithful cat would snap and end them, leaving the team to finish their fight alone.</p><p>Black cats thrive on misfortune and chaos. Their team would become their own family – the only thing they had left to care about – and ladybug would become their most important person. The need to protect becomes all consuming, and the cats are plagued with the need to save ladybug from their crusade, but they can’t end the fight. In order to save them from a merciless death in battle, the black cat is driven to kill the ladybug and then – driven into exile by their fractured team – end their own life.</p><p>Peacocks have the gift of foresight and the arrogance to believe they’ll escape their fates. They are always charismatic and vivacious individuals, deeply creative and faithful in the inherent good of the world. They see the world as beautiful, but their visions start to seep into their everyday life and they are rarely kind. Slowly, the visions become all they can see. Trapped in a war, the peacocks become blind and bombarded with visions of destruction, leaving them vulnerable and devastated for the world they couldn’t trust anymore. </p><p>Butterflies are deeply empathic and love their teammates unconditionally. They are the undisputed heart of the team, the source of inspiration when things seem most desperate. They are naturally intuitive towards those around them, easily able to absorb moods and feelings and become empathetic towards them. Eventually, though, they lose control and other people’s feelings – other people’s thoughts – begin taking over their own, until they have no room left. They’ll lose themselves completely in those around them, becoming an empty vessel of compassion and support with not thought for themself. </p><p>Bees are more bark than bite. Though they have a tough façade, they rely deeply on interpersonal connection with the team – their hive – and thrive off of building strong connections with others. They love deeply, and their most base, instinctual need was to form a romantic relationship and start a family. Their tough outer façade repelled most individuals, unfortunately, leaving the bees often lonely. When they fell in love – and they fall in love once, for life – it was with a member of their team, someone who could never be with them in return, leaving them to pine close to their loved one for the rest of their life.</p><p>Turtles moved slow, but their minds were always sharp. Battles and wars moved just a little too fast for them, but they worked hard to adapt and remain helpful to their allies, remaining a constant pillar of defense and strength. They were smart, but more importantly, they were wise – filled with the knowledge of their past counterparts – and were vital for long-term threats. Always practical, the turtle’s lives began to stretch out, their bodies aging slowly, helping their team for longer at the expense of their happiness. As days turn to weeks and months turn to years and they’ve barely aged, they’ll outlive the same team they sacrificed themselves for and do the same thing again, for another team, until they die.</p><p>Foxes are cunning, and brilliant, and always moving. As the bridge between different realms, they possess an intrinsic duality that makes them distrustful and difficult to read. They may love their team, but they’ll struggle to relate to them. As they grow more powerful, more connected to spirits – developing as guardians -, they eventually transcend the physical realm and become something more. They still feel physical threats, but they cannot age or be killed. As they become more tuned in, they start to feel the pain and suffering of those passing on and become stuck in a constant cycle of pain, forced to keep running and fighting to try and dull their own desolation.  </p><p>-------</p><p>Tikki had always believed that there was something deeply – horribly, intrinsically - tragic about the heroes she took on, those that she watched hopelessly, desperately try to protect those they loved- only for them to suffer too. She had lived for thousands of years and she was just now realizing that she couldn’t save even one hero.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is finally the end of my first ever multi-chapter fic! it's finally come full circle</p><p>i hope y'all enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it, and i really appreciate all of the people who commented!!!</p><p>have a fantastic day and i hope you like this :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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